If Taylor Swift Had a Friend With Benefits...

Like most people in this world, I cannot write music. Being a life-long singer of sorts, I tried many a time to write a song just in case I grew up to be a superstar. My sixth grade efforts brought forth but one ditty entitled "Let the Good Times Roll" which, as I recall, was ripped off from The Partridge Family's "Let the Good Times In". I never performed it for anyone, although the lyrics sheet is somewhere in my personal papers.

Then a few months back, my ex-roommate and I were talking about fuck buddies of all things and how there weren't any songs about the concept...or something like that. Of course there are gads of sex songs but they either skew on the edge of romantic ("Let's Make Love") or nasty ("Rude Boy") and hardly never anywhere in between.

So a couple of days ago, I drank an AMP energy drink and became inspired halfway home from Pullman. I started writing lyrics in my head and finished in about 5 hours.

Now, before you get too excited, I DID NOT WRITE THE MUSIC. I wrote to the tune of "Favorite" by Liz Phair, my current #1 song. I don't know how legal or ethical to do such a thing but Katy Perry covered The Outfield's "Your Love" and changed most of the lyrics...so this is done in the real music world.

I am posting a video of "Favorite" just so you can get a taste of what it should sound like. And, WARNING!!! WARNING!!! This song is pretty dirty but hopefully not offensive. I imagine if Taylor Swift was ever in a strictly sexual relationship, she would probably write a song something like this.

(Original written by Scott Spock, Lauren Christy, Graham Edwards)

F♥ck Buddies
Text me at eleven twenty-two
Give me a sec and I'll be there soon
Racing downtown at eleven thirty cause I want it too

Say hello with a kiss at the door,
The next thing we know we're on the floor
No need for small talk right this minute, let’s do it like before

Not a string, not a tie
Not a rule or a lie
Everything that we need
Oh baby, can’t you see?

CHORUS 1
You never have to clean your room
And I won’t buy new underwear
It’s so uncomplicated
You don’t have to buy me flowers
And I never have to do my hair
Just look at how damn easy this is

I’ll pin your arms above your head
Hitting the wall and moving the bed
Your roommates hate us cause we’re loud enough to wake the dead

Love you looking up when you’re down on me
Whisperin’ sweet dirty words sets me free
Oh baby make me call your name until I can barely breathe

Throw me down, pull my hair
Don’t stop now, I’m almost there
Hot n' heavy, a little rough
Ready or not, here I come

CHORUS 2
I don’t wanna be your girl
And you don’t have to make me eggs
It’s so uncomplicated
You don’t wanna be my guy
And I don’t have to wax my legs
See how damn easy this is?

BRIDGE
Oh baby, it’s so damn easy
I never thought that this could be
Let’s ride this out as long as we can
Let’s go again and again

They say it’ll never work,
So baby let’s prove them wrong
No need to give this up

Right here, right now, you have what I want
Take me, shake me

They say it’s a bad idea
So let’s show ’em how it’s done
We’ve got a hold on it

Right here, right now, I have what you want
Roll me, hold me

I love how damn easy this is