30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 30

Day 30 - Another Favorite That's Not Your Favorite Favorite


Since I started with a teen movie, I'll end with a teen movie. By my personal definition,  I have five of these on Jordyn's Canonical List of Favorite Movies. Sadly, the one I will be writing about today is sort of on the chopping block. Meaning, the last time I watched it, I was a bit underwhelmed. Perhaps this post will help me sort through those issues.

The Girl Next Door (2004)


I was seventeen when I first saw this movie. My best friend Ashley's little brother (fifteen at the time) rented it. Being a fan of raunchy teen sex comedies, I was completely game. Plus, that prom king I was in love with said I would really like it. (Note: This is the only film recommendation he ever gave me, so I jumped at the chance!)


Matthew Kidman (Emile Hirsch) is a straight A over-achiever with political aspirations, but not a nerd. His high school career has been pretty boring, with his nights alternating between studying and hanging out with his nerdy friends Eli (Chris Marquette) and Klitz (Paul Dano). However, Matthew's world is turned upside down when the smokin' hot Danielle (Elisha Cuthbert) moves in next door. The two begins a friendship-bordering-on-relationship. However, things become complicated when Matthew discovers that Danielle was once a porn star.


I can tell you the exact reason why I liked this movie back in high school and college: Matthew was one of those really nice, well-meaning guys who was torn between his sexual desire and his morals. I respected that, but I knew how absolutely fictional it was. Any normal guy would jump at the chance to screw a porn star, right? I too was lost in the romance of Matthew's struggle. And it is a beautiful pay off. It's not until the end that they consummate their love in one of my favorite cinematic sex scenes ever!

So what's my problem now? Straight up jealousy. If nice guys like Matthew are going after porn stars, what chance do nice girls like me have? None. It makes me bitter. There, I said it. In the film's defense, they did a good job of showing Danielle as a normal, likable girl and not just some sex-crazed whore. Although they never touch on why exactly she became a porn star in the first place. (Knowing the stories of many actual porn stars, I doubt it's pleasant). 


What we have here is a male adolescent fantasy. The best of both worlds; the freak in the sheets and the lady in streets. Just like Taylor Swift's music videos and John Hughes's movies give teenage girls an unrealistic view of love, The Girl Next Door gives an unrealistic portrayal of teen sex for boys. But just because Some Kind of Wonderful is equally improbable, does that mean I'm going to take it off my list? Hell no. I should just shut the fuck up. The Girl Next Door has much more to offer than its naivety; great editing for one. It's also much more complex than you would originally conceive it to be. Promise me, it's no American Pie.


Plus, Emile Hirsch is hot.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 29

Day 29 - The Last Movie You Watched


Continuing my theme of movies about The Fame, I recently watched this number after months and months of seeing the poster everyday at my old video store. Plus, I liked the Oscar nominated original song. It was on Starz so I finally bit the bullet.

Country Strong (2010)


Six time Grammy winner and country music superstar Kelly Canter (Gwyneth Paltrow) is in rehab after a disastrous concert in Dallas where her drunken, five month pregnant ass fell of the stage. While in recovery, she has been having an affair with Beau Hutton (Garrett Hedlund), an orderly and aspiring country artist. Kelly's husband and manager James (Tim McGraw) decides it's time for her to go out on the road again, even when she is clearly not ready to do so. Opening for Kelly is another aspiring country singer, Chiles Stanton (Leighton Meester), a sort of perky Taylor Swift/Carrie Underwood princess. Love quadrangles, pills, booze, dead baby jokes....ah, The Fame.


Unlike rock or pop, country music isn't known for having their stars go bAt ShIt CraZY. (Or maybe I'm just ignorant because Behind the Music stayed away from country). Well sure, there have been a fair share of alcoholics and wife beaters, but not a lot of public meltdowns...save for B level star Mindy McCready (late 90's, "Guys Do It All the Time"). What I didn't know was that Kelly Canter was inspired by BRITNEY SPEARS. Had I known that, I probably would have sprinted to the theater.


Also Tobey Maguire was one of the producers. WTF? I didn't even know he liked country. Some fan I am.

Most of these films start with the artist's struggle to attain fame, then show how they deal with it, lose it, and finally end with them rising from the ashes in a glorious comeback performance. Country Strong starts at the bottom and doesn't improve much. Unlike Britney Spears, who is doing pretty good these days, Kelly Canter [SPOILERS] commits suicide in the last reel. And why? "Because fame and love can't live in the same place." Direct quote. Do you hear that famous people? You're fucked. Might as well end it now.


So maybe it's not the best message, but you have to give Country Strong props for going against the grain. More times than not these films end with the artist on top of the world and everything is hunky dory. But how accurate is that? Fame fucks people up, sometimes irrevocably. I could sit here and type dozens of examples, but you already know them. Kudos, Country Strong, for showing that fame is a hideous bitch goddess.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 28

Day 28 - A Movie With a Celebrity Crush

Iwas ten years old and at Sierra McCoy's birthday party. Sierra, a flirtatious girly girl, had recently begun dating my object of affection, Chris Knox. Needless to say, I was not thrilled to be there. After a routine meal at Pizza Hut, we huddled into a crowded van and headed to the movie theater. On the way, I sang "Wishin' and Hopin'" (from My Best Friend's Wedding) to myself as I formulated devious plans to split up Sierra and Chris. Due to someone's poor planning, the only semi child appropriate movie at the theater was...

Pleasantville (1998)

None of the other girls really gave a shit what movie we saw. They were still hyped up on sugar and grease. I, on the other hand, in my pubescent despondency, needed cinema solace. And a movie I vaguely understood to have something to do with the 50's was pretty much perfect.

David Wagner (Tobey Maguire), a single and lonely nerd, routinely escapes his dismal 90's existence by watching the 1950's sitcom Pleasantville. His twin sister Jennifer (Reese Witherspoon) is the exact opposite; an airhead slut who embraces her decade. One night while fighting over the remote control, David and Jennifer are sucked into the black and white TV world and and find themselves as Bud and Mary Sue Parker, the children of George Parker (William H. Macy) and his wife, Betty (Joan Allen). While David tries to blend in, well versed in the rules of the sitcom, Jennifer is reckless and brings some much needed color to the pristine and pleasant town.

Back in 1998, when I sat in that darkened theater, alienated from my friends, I found a kindred spirit in David Wagner. He was awkward and endearing and obsessed with the 50's, just as I had been just a few years prior. It was very comforting to find a male who felt the same way I did, who was chivalrous and romantic and could spout off trivia without shame. Plus, he's drop dead sexy.

This is the movie that introduced me to Tobey Maguire, my favorite actor and biggest celebrity crush. It pleases me very much that I got in on close to the ground floor. Tobey had previously done some TV work, starred in the indie Joyride (no, not the one with Paul Walker), and had a supporting role in The Ice Storm. But Pleasantville, the first of his nerdy-and-thoughtful-young-man roles, pushed him into the public eye and my hormonal ten year old heart.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 27

Day 27 – A Movie You Can Quote Extensively

"How is he?"
"Well, he's sort of...wondering why you haven't told your parents that the wedding's off."
"I don't know. I'm still hoping for a miracle I suppose! I mean, how he could think my father and I would do such a thing!"
"I only minored in psyche, you understand, but...maybe Michael couldn't commit to this marriage so he created a delusion; produced an unconscious psychosomatic manifestation of...of, um...I'm better with food. Okay. You're Michael. You're in a fancy French restaurant. You order...crème brûlée for dessert. It's beautiful. It's sweet. It's irritatingly perfect. Suddenly, Michael realizes he doesn't want crème brûlée. He wants something else."
"What does he want?"
"Jell-O."
"Jell-O? Why does he want Jell-O?"
"Because he's comfortable with Jell-O! Jell-O makes him...comfortable. I realize compared to crème brûlée it's...Jell-O. But maybe that's what he needs."
"I could be Jell-O--"
"No. Crème brûlée can never be Jell-O! You can never be Jell-O!"
"I have to be Jell-O!"
"You're never gonna be Jell-O..."

My Best Friend's Wedding (1997)

Yet another movie I probably shouldn't have watched in my childhood, but watch it I did. Far too many times. That exchange from above? Yeah, I did that for my seventh grade interpretive speech, playing both parts.

It's the story of Julianne Potter (Julia Roberts), a two-faced, big-haired food critic who loses her shit when she learns her long time best friend Michael O'Neal (Dermot Mulroney), who was in love with her for nine goddamn years, is now engaged to the bright eyed and dreamy Miss Kimberly Wallace (Cameron Diaz). Julianne is ushered in as Kim's maid of honor and does horrible, not terribly imaginative things to stop the wedding before it's too late.

What makes My Best Friend's Wedding so damn quotable isn't so much one liners. There's a lot of monologuing or, at least, longer exchanges that involve two or more people. You don't just quote a line from this movie, you quote a scene. But for the sake of brevity, here are some favorite short ones:

• "She has known him for what? Five seconds? Plus she's got millions of dollars. Plus she's apparently perfect, so don't go feeling all...all sorry for Miss Pre-Teen Illinois." 
• "Oh my God, it's the bride and the woman she'll never live up to." 
• "We'd be the vengeful sluts." "You can just call us eager." 
• "He's got you on a pedestal and me in his arms." 
• "No, no, no, no! I'm a busy girl! I've got exactly four days to break up a wedding, steal the bride's fella...and I haven't one clue how to do it." 
• "This is my whole life's happiness. I have to be ruthless." 
• "What I mean when I say annoyingly perfect, is that there's nothing annoying about her perfection. It's vulnerable and endearing and that is annoying shit." 

I could go on, but I'll spare you. Just know this: I know this movie far more intimately than mere quoting. I know the choreography to the opening scene. Here's a picture of me and my poor cousins performing at a family gathering:

That's me in the middle with the really shitty wig. When I love a movie, I don't fuck around.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 26

Day 26 – A Movie You Love That Many Do Not


Just like that "good movie" we hate, we all have that "bad movie" we love. But with most "bad movies" you will find a small cult following of people who love Freddy Got Fingered just as much as you do. You lucky son of a bitch. I have yet to find a cult for my favorite bad movie.

Archie Return to Riverdale (1990)


If you are my friend, you have watched this movie. If you aren't my friend yet, you will watch this movie. This is the price of my friendship: an hour and forty minutes of your time watching this craptacular made-for-TV movie based on the ever popular Archie Comics.


It's fifteen years since the gang graduated from high school. In the days that follow his reunion, Archie Andrews (Christopher Rich) plans on leaving quaint little Riverdale to be a big shot lawyer in The City. Archie's best pal Jughead Jones (Sam Whipple) is a divorced and neurotic psychiatrist. Sweet girl next door Betty Cooper (Lauren Holly) is a grade school teacher with a tool boyfriend and sexy Veronica Lodge (Karen Kopins), four times divorced, plans on finally bagging Archie. And that sneaky Reggie Mantle (Gary Kroeger) is in cahoots with Mr. Lodge to shut down Pop Tate's Choklit Shoppe! The gang must band together one last time to save their beloved hang out from a hostile takeover!

If you don't like Archie Comics, there is nothing in this movie for you. Nothing but some cheap laughs over the lingering 80's-ness of the whole thing and the horrid comedy tropes of the decade. It's not really a movie for kids, but more of a nostalgia fest for thirty-somethings who read Archie when it was more relevant. The Archie universe is such a clean and wholesome place, but this movie brings in some much needed maturity. There's sex (or sensuality), cussing, divorce...that's about it. No one is on drugs or gay or anything else that's in this awesome fan video:

Still, I love Archie and I love this movie. Sometimes there's just no accounting for taste.

Note: Archie Return to Riverdale (known as Archie To Riverdale and Back Again during its original NBC airing) has not seen a U.S. DVD release. A VHS version became available in the mid-90's and is can be purchased on the Archie Comics website. However, there is a French dubbed version in Region 1. Go figure.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 25

Day 25 – A Well-Liked Movie That You Don’t Care For


We've all have one: a movie the whole damn world thinks is the bees knees, but you think is shit or tripe or overrated or just plain not-so-great. Everyone is entitled to their opinion of course. I'm sure no one will hold it against you if you didn't like The Hangover or the new Star Trek. But what if you detest an older movie? A bonafide classic?

It's A Wonderful Life (1946)


It seems that everyone is wet for this one. I, unlike the other six billion people on this planet, did not grow up with this Christmas staple. Sure, I'd heard of it--"Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings!"--and I'd seen it parodied on The Simpsons. But it wasn't until high school during my failed attempt to see all the Best Picture Nominees that I finally saw this supposed uplifting tale of the importance of a simple man's life.


I didn't like it. This is supposed to make me feel good? A man, one George Bailey (James Stewart) spends his whole life stuck in shitty New Bedford, working at the Building and Loan, constantly battling the eeevil Mr. Potter (Lionel Barrymore) and never, ever getting to go on one measly vacation? Not even a honeymoon with his loving wife, Mary (Donna Reed)? Well, one night, specifically Christmas Eve, George decides to end it all but Clarence Odbody (Henry Travers), a second class angel intervenes and shows George just what the world would be like if he were never born.

This poor man is used and pushed around and taken for granted...but no matter, he's made such a difference in everyone else's life! Without him, where would the New Bedfordites be? Get your panties out of a knot, I get the point of the movie: It's not all about You, give to others. But Jesus H. Christ, there's a limit to what one man can take! 


Yeah, George sees the light and Everything's Gonna Be Alllllll Right. But that doesn't change how miserable the previous two hours were! That doesn't change the end where life just goes on. If this is such a happy-go-lucky film, why doesn't everyone pitch in and send George on that vacation he's always wanted? Exactly. It's not a wonderful life, it's a sad-sack existence of never getting a the one thing you want.


People love this movie and if you are one of them, good for you. I'm sure that it's helped many a sad soul on a Christmas night, so I would never wish it gone from the face of the planet. But most of it depresses me which a "feel-good movie" shouldn't do.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 24

Day 24 - A Movie You Watch For Comfort Food


Truly, when I'm feeling like shit, the first movie I put in is Beauty and the Beast. But since that is my favorite favorite movie of all time, I'm not going to write about it now just in case Andrew has a "favorite favorite movie" category. So here is the close second.

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)


I discovered E.T. far too late in the game. Well, no one can really discover E.T. It's one of those movies that everyone knows about even if they've never seen it. And like all children in the VCR era, I was plopped in front of the TV with this movie playing at one point or another. But short of this one flickering memory, I hadn't seen it since cinephilia over took me in the early 2000's.


Then one day, a few months ago, I was feeling blue and wanted to watch something that I knew had a slow pace. Maybe one of those early 80's movies. E.T. is from 1982. Why not that? So I rented it. And I fell in love.


Everyone knows the story, but here it is for posterity's sake: A group of botanist aliens are collecting plants on Earth. Some guys with flashlights (the evil U.S. government) show up and the aliens flee, however, they leave one of their own behind. Soon after, a boy named Elliot (Henry Thomas) discovers the alien and names him E.T. (voiced mainly by Pat Welsh). Elliot then introduces E.T. to his skeptical teen brother (Robert MacNaughton) and his precocious little sister (Drew Barrymore) while trying to hide him from his mother (Dee Wallace Stone). Although he grows closer to Elliot, E.T. attempts to communicate with his home planet as the evil government tries to figure out just what the hell is going on.

What can I say? E.T. is just one of those classic movies that I really, really wish I had earlier in my life. Not only is it a great family film, it's just a great film period. (It was nominated for Best Picture even). I find comfort in its slow pace and messages of friendship and love. Plus, the early 80's clothing and trends. I'm particularly fond of the Dungeons & Dragons scene and when Elliot introduces his actions figures to E.T. (Haha, Boba Fett. The Empire Strikes Back had just come out!)


And sweet Henry Thomas...what a hottie you turned out to be.


E.T. kicks ass. Peace.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 23

Day 23 – A Movie You Walked Out Of/Straight-Up Stopped Watching


I have never walked out of a movie theatre. It's my policy to stay to the bitter end if I've put down the money to see that damn thing...or if someone else paid for my ticket, then I feel obligated out of guilt. There have been a few I would have liked to walk out of. (Battlefield Earth. Don't ask.) And then there have been a few awful movies that I probably couldn't have gotten through without booze, but there is only one that comes to mind that I haven't finished sober.

Meatballs (1979)


I liked camp. I went to camp when I was a child. I was a counselor when I was older. I read a lot of camp themed books, most of which were set in the late 70's and early 80's for some reason. Little Darlings (1980) (set at camp) is one of my favorite movies of all time. I also have a weakness for anything made between 1976 and 1982, so by all accounts, I should go bat shit crazy over "the best camp movie EVER", Meatballs.


Nope. I shut it off twenty minutes in.


Here's what you need to know: Bill Murray plays Tripper Harrison the leader of the CIT's (counselors-in-training) at Camp North Star. A sad ☹ camper named Rudy (Chris Makepeace) is sad ☹ at camp. Sad ☹ music plays whenever Bill Murray talks to him. Hijinks happen. PG hijinks.


Okay, in Meatballs's defense, I watched it on a really shitty VHS tape from my video store. The tape needed to retire. It was fuzzy and buzzing and I couldn't really understand anything, but even so...I was freakin' bored! There was no real plot to follow. The characters were complete archetypes. Plus I don't like Bill Murray.

Love the clothes, though.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 22

Day 22 - A Movie That Made You Cry


Pfft. It's more like what movie DOESN'T make me cry. Catch me on the wrong day and I might weep during Pee Wee's Big Adventure. [Cut to a scene where Jordyn is clutching her Spider-Man pillow whispering, "I just don't understand why he can't find his bike!"] I've cried during sad moments, happy moments, out of depression and relief and I'm never ashamed, no matter that my eyeliner is blackening my cheeks as I exit the theatre. So let's go with something I am ashamed of.

Bubble Boy (2001) 


WARNING: This post contains spoilers for the ending of Bubble Boy, so read on at your own discretion. That said, Bubble Boy is a shitty, ten year old comedy that nobody really cares about, so there’s a good chance this warning will mean nothing to you, as you’re likely to never see it or care to.


Okay. I was thirteen. Hormones were raging. I can't remember exactly, but it might have been one of those days. My friend Ashley invited me over to watch it. She always had newish movies that slipped under the radar. At first, I was skeptical. Fast forward 76 minutes and I'm bawling on the floor.


The titular boy is Jimmy Livingston (Jake Gyllenhaal. Yes, Oscar nominee Jake Gyllenhaal), a child born without immunities who lives in a giant plastic bubble. By the time he grows into a teenager, Jimmy has fallen in love with the girl next door, Chloe (Marley Shelton), who is nice enough befriend him. Jimmy's over religious and protective mother (Swoosie Kurtz) disapproves of the relationship. Chloe eventually dates mullet-wearing douche bag Mark (Dave Sheridan) and agrees to marry him. Jimmy then sets out across the country in a home made bubble suit to stop the wedding.


So what made me cry, exactly? Well, Jimmy makes it to church right before Chloe says her vows. He rips out of his bubble suit--which will kill him, remember--and says "I'd rather spend one minute holding you than a lifetime knowing I never could." Then he kisses her, tells her he loves her and collapses.

"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" goes thirteen year old Jordyn.


And then you find out he's not really dead. His mother was a psycho who wanted to keep him safe from the world. He's fine. Jimmy and Chloe later get married.


In my defense, I'm a sucker for "crying over the dead body" scenes. It started with Beauty and the Beast and has snowballed ever since. I don't really think it needs explanation. I mean, they're dead and you can't do anything to bring them back...unless it's a movie. Then nine times out of ten, they come back through some kind of magic and then you really start to cry.


Sigh. I was thirteen. Leave me alone.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 21

Day 21 – A Sequel/Remake/Reboot that Wasn’t Worth the Celluloid it Was Filmed On


I so desperately wanted to write about Heathcliff: a musical remake of Wuthering Heights. But then I remembered, through my hate driven narrative, Heathcliff is a filmed stage musical, not a movie. Damn it. I do not feel such hatred towards any other remake...or sequel...or reboot as I do towards that festering abomination. But rulz is rulz.

Red Riding Hood (2011)


The public domain fairy tale is subject to much remaking, retooling, and reimagining. Everyone knows the story of the girl in the red cape sent to her granny's house who is subsequently tricked by a cross-dressing wolf. And everyone's tired of it. To appeal to today's teenager, that story needs a complete overhaul--Tim Burtonesque edginess, sexual tension, and an unnecessary love triangle.


For all those things to work, Red Riding Hood needs to be not so Little. Teenager Valerie (Amanda Seyfried) lives on the edge of the deep, dark forest with her father Cesaire (Billy Burke), her mother Suzette (Virginia Madsen), and her not-as-attractive-as-Amanda Seyfried sister Lucie (Alexandria Malliot). Since childhood, Valerie has been in lurve with the humble (but dangerous and sexy) woodcutter, Peter (Shiloh Fernandez) but her parents want her to marry Henry (Max Irons) the son of a wealthy blacksmith. In the nearby village of Daggerhorn, all hell breaks loose when The Wolf murders its first human in years: Lucie. The town is sent into a frenzy to discover who the wolf is and many suspect Peter.


Also, Valerie's grandmother (Julie Christie) gives her a red cape.


With only a few plot elements--the titular riding hood, the wolf, the grandmother--the film should not have the right to call itself "Red Riding Hood". This film is merely a wolf in Twilight's clothing.


And here we go. Twilight: the whole reason for this movie's existence. Vampires are everywhere (or were? Is is dying down yet?) but what about all those on Team Jacob? How can those werewolf fans get their fix? I can only surmise that studio execs happened to remember that Little Red Riding Hood had a wolf in it and perhaps if they aged the heroine, they could make the wolf broodingly sexy. It practically writes itself! And what about that chick that directed the first Twilight movie? She's not doing anything, let's get her to helm this thing!


To make the film more "Twilighty", a love triangle is thrown in...kinda. In the first five minutes, we learn of Valerie and Peter's love, true and unwavering. Then we learn she is promised to kind and rich, but boring, Henry. (Because you can never have a wealthy, interesting fiancee in these things. Young girls must learn principles. Life will be difficult in your crumbling little cottage, with five bairns clamoring at your apron strings. To escape life, you husband may drink a little too much ale and spend a little too much time  at the tavern with those lusty wenches. But it's okay. You did the right thing. You married for love...or that twitching in between your legs you thought was love...I digress.) 


As an audience, we're supposed to like Peter more because THAT'S WHO VALERIE LIKES MORE. Never does she show an interest in Henry. Never. There is no conflict. Valerie never has a moment of "Oh no, I thought I loved Peter, so why am I having these stirrings towards Henry?" And so what if Peter might be the wolf? It makes him all the more sexy and appealing. There is no choice to be made here. If you ask me, they're both boring. They look the same too.

So when I say Red Riding Hood is a remake not worth the celluloid it was filmed on, I don't mean it's an outright oozing pimple on the face of cinema. It's more like a freckle; millions just like it with nothing to set it aside from the other live action "gritty" fairy tale remakes. It's a waste of time, without even a sex scene or gory death to recommend it.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 20

Day 20 - A Worthy Sequel/Remake/Reboot


I have no problem with remakes or reboots. Sometimes a great story needs to be dusted off, trimmed up, fleshed out and spit 'n' shined. In fact, there are so many movies that could only benefit from being made in the 21st century. But today, I will be talking about a sort-of-sequel that will never be appreciated.

Return to Oz (1985) 


Ah, one of those live action Disney movies that nobody knows about. How many there are of you. How many that will disintegrate in the Disney Vault... Return to Oz is a sequel to (wait for it!) 1939's The Wizard of Oz, starring Judy Garland. It may seem like a strictly monetary move, making a sequel 46 years after the first film was released. It might seem naive to make a sequel to a bona-fucking-fide classic, too. But according to director Walter Murch, the film was never intended to be associated with the MGM musical. And to further his argument, L. Frank Baum wrote 13 sequels to Wizard, including The Marvelous Land of Oz and Ozma of Oz, the basis of today's movie.


It begins in Kansas, six months after the cyclone swept young Dorothy Gale (Fairuza Balk) to the magical Land of Oz. Dorothy's Aunt Em (Piper Laurie) is concerned with her niece's subsequent insomnia and takes her to the office of Dr. Worley (Nicol Williamson). Before he can perform electroshock therapy on her, Dorothy escapes with the aid of a mysterious blonde girl (Emma Ridley). She wakes up in Oz, finding it in ruins. Dorothy soon learns from the evil Princess Mombi (Jean Marsh) that the Nome King (also by Nicol Williamson) raped the Emerald city of all its jewels and turned everyone to stone. Along with her new friends, talking chicken Billina (Denise Bryer), clockwork mechanical soldier Tik-Tok (Sean Barrett), wobbly and loving Jack Pumpkinhead (Brian Henson), and furniture Frankenstein The Gump (Lyle Conway), Dorothy sets out to rescue the Scarecrow and return Oz to its former brilliancy. 


Return to Oz was not well received. Many criticized its dark and intense nature stating it was unsuitable for a young audience. So tell me, dear readers, when you were children would you be frightened by any of the following?

You pussies.


Well, I first watched Return to Oz when I was about four and I was just happy my favorite movie (at the time) was continuing. I didn't care about the lack of songs or munchkins or AWOL Lion, Tinman or Scarecrow. I understood that Oz was fucked up. The Nome King was evil and put a crazy woman in charge. Of course it was going to scary. If it was mildly unpleasant, Dorothy wouldn't have reason to rescue anybody. There would be no point in her returning to Oz in the first place. If you want to see your favorite characters live again, they need a reason and a conflict.


Before and after 1939's masterpiece, there have been sequels and remakes and re-imagingings of The Wizard of Oz. Since seventh grade I've been hoping for a proper remake of it, one that doesn't completely change everything but still pleases the populace. It's one thing when a crappy movie I like go unnoticed, but when one that is truly good gets shat on, it hurts a little.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 19

Day 19 - A Movie Made Before 1967


Confession time: I don't love old movies. Oh, they're fine and all. I'm a casual watcher. In fact, due to my Oscar goals, I've probably seen more old movies than your average, non-film student 23 year old. But I just don't love old movies; I like them as friends. On my Official Canonized List there are but two films made before 1967: Gone With the Wind, which you know and one other you probably don't.

Peyton Place (1957)


Maybe you've heard of Peyton Place as a book? It's a trashy little novel written by house wife Grace Metalious that went on to become one of the greatest selling novels of the 1950's. Oh, you haven't? Pity.


The titular place is a small New England town, seemingly normal and wholesome on the outside, but twisted and vicious underneath. Among the many inhabitants are Allison MacKenzie (Diane Varsi) a high school senior longing to be a writer, her mother Constance (Lana Turner), the sexually repressed dress shop owner who harbors a dark secret and Allison's best friend, Selena Cross (Hope Lange) a good girl from the wrong side of the tracks who has her own dark secret. Over the course of a year, Allison has a romance with awkward and sheltered Norman Page (Russ Tamblyn), Constance is seduced by the sexy new principal Michael Rossi (Lee Philips), and Selena is accused of murder.

Let's just put it on the table. I grew up in a small town so automatically I'm going to like this movie/book on principal. Also, Allison is an aspiring author who doesn't want to go to college and writes of experiences she has not yet known. She's also overly curious about sex. Let's just say I related when I first watched Peyton Place in high school. I will defend my hometown, however. I don't think anyone here is that fucked up...other than our science/math teacher and a pious sixteen year old student eating lunch together everyday behind a locked classroom door...ahem.


So Peyton Place...it's a good movie. I was shocked by how blunt it was, with it being a product of 1950's Hollywood and all. The word "sex" is even said several times. I didn't think that was kosher with the Hays' Code. Of course, lots of things are changed, notoriously The Abortion Scene. In the novel, the town doctor gives a character an abortion. But in the movie, she trips and falls and he must "assist her in a miscarriage".


One wonders what this movie would be like if it were made today, or at the very least, ten years later. Interestingly, director Mark Robson would go on to direct the similarly salacious Valley of the Dolls in 1967. (Still crushing on that movie!) While both are scandalous and torrid in places, Peyton Place was nominated for nine Academy Awards including Best fucking Picture. Part of the film's charm is its repression. You can tell it wants to go balls out, but like the town itself, must follow the proper codes of conduct and be a good little 50's movie.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 18

Day 18 - An Adaptation of Book, TV Series, ect.


I like movies more than books. This is sort of ironic since I want to be a writer of books. Luckily, I like writing them more than I like reading them. And I especially like book-to-film adaptations. Yes, things are cut out and changed around, but more often than not, I like the changes. Sometimes a few changes give the story a second chance at life.

Valley of the Dolls (1967)


All changes aside, both Jacqueline Susann's 1966 novel and today's film tell the same basic story: Anne Welles (Barbara Parkins) moves from sleepy New England to New York City to have a career and a life. She soon becomes the secretary for a theatrical lawyer and meets agent Lyon Burke (Paul Burke). Anne is friends with Neely O'Hara (Patty Duke), a spunky and talented actress on the rise and Jennifer North (Sharon Tate), a victimized sex symbol who is only considered "a body" despite her intelligence and good nature. At one point, all three women become dependent on barbiturates (nicknamed "dolls") to deal with their lives in the spotlight.


Oh, the fame. How I love movies and songs and music videos about people rising to the top and then crashing and burning in drug addled, sex infused flames (Fuck it, I can't wait for Lucky: The Britney Spears Story*). And this movie is exactly that. In fact, I'm a little disappointed in myself that I hadn't seen it until this very morning. It's campy and melodramatic and I love every salacious, trashy bit in the saga of Anne, Neely, and Jennifer.

But if I had one complaint it would be the musical representation of Neely. Time and time again we are told what a balls out fucking talented singer and actress she is. Now, Patty Duke does a spectacular job in all of Neely's "off stage" scenes, but the singing is...well, it's not like Jennifer Hudson's Effie White in Dreamgirls, another character who is supposed to possess The Voice of the Ages. Now if it were Duke singing, I would just shrug given her acting performance. The kicker is, her voice was dubbed by Gail Heideman, an actress with two other credits to her name. Her voice isn't bad, but she doesn't have the range of Mariah Carey, the power of Pat Benatar or even the uniqueness of Karen Carpenter. Why not get someone better? Then again, the 60's had a preferred singing style that was based in straight forward and simple delivery, so I should just shut the hell up.


I have never read Valley of the Dolls, but I am now inspired to pick it up. According to the book's Wikipedia page, changes are a-plenty in this film treatment. A happier ending is given to one character and much is cut out for time. That's fine. I see the reason for it. Currently, I'm riding the high of falling in love with a new movie. I taped it and fully plan on watching it again tomorrow!

*You know it will kick ass.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 17

Day 17 - A Musical


By now readers of Popped Density know my relationship with movie musicals is complicated. As a concept, I am totally for it. Nuts to those people who don't break out into song in their day to day lives. But when I sit down to actually watch a musical, I just find myself not enjoying the experience. No matter how many times I tell myself this one will be different, it never is. If I do grow to like the musical, it's with repeated viewings usually spawned by my fondness for a particular song. That's what happened with Chicago and Moulin Rouge!, the only musicals on Jordyn's Official Canonized List of Favorite Movies. Right now, I feel I'm on the verge of adding another musical to my list.

Across the Universe (2007)


I've been a fan of The Beatles my whole life. My father was the one who forced their music upon me. Luckily, I was young, impressionable, and not into rebelling against my parents' musical tastes. They were probably my favorite band until my discovery of The Carpenters, but even I know The Beatles are the best rock 'n' roll band that ever was and ever will be.*


So in 2007, when trailers for the jukebox musical Across the Universe were released, I was hopeful. I mean, I was already going to love all the music, which is pretty much the point of a musical...of course I would love it!


Nope. I was decidedly underwhelmed. I bought the soundtrack anyway but put the movie out of my mind. Then I started working in a video store where all movies were free for me to rent. So I got it on a whim and liked it significantly more this time around.


Across the Universe centers around Jude (Jim Sturgess), a Liverpudlian bastard born shortly after World War II. He journeys across the pond to find his American father, who turns out to have his own life and family and pretty much gives him the brush. Jude then meets Max (Joe Anderson) who befriends him and takes him home to meet the fam, including his sweet girl-next-door sister, Lucy (Evan Rachel Wood). Both are attracted to one another in spite of Lucy's boyfriend stationed in Vietnam. Jude and Max move to New York City and shack up with aspiring singer Sadie (Dana Fuchs) and her guitarist Jojo (Martin Luther McCoy). After the death of her boyfriend, Lucy moves in with the group and falls for Jude as Max is drafted and as Sadie and Jojo become famous musicians.

Psychedelia is not my thing and there is an ABUNDANCE in Across the Universe. I've even heard it's a good movie to watch while you're high, so there you go. Personally, I find the plots of musicals to be a bit thin. (Have you watched Grease recently?) But stuff happens in this one. Stuff actually happens. The characters change and evolve. The film seems to take place over a significant period of time which makes these changes believable. So it makes sense when Lucy starts as your all-American high school girl, then becomes a hippie, and then a radical protestor. 


Now, I've only seen Across the Universe twice and as a rule, I have to watch a movie three times before I can put it on my list. And I definitely need a few more viewings before I consider such things. So for now all I'm saying is maybe. But I'm really glad I found another musical that I like enough to say maybe.

* It's true.