Sunday, June 1, 2008

Top 10 Hottest Movie Characters

I am a chick. A chick who likes dudes. Unfortunately most of the dudes that I fancy are fictional. Therefore, in the following blog, I will write about my ten hottest movie characters in the history of cinema. If you are not fully introduced to my “she-nerdiness” yet, you will be after you check out my list. My apologies to those looking for the screen personas of Matthew McConaughey.

10. Luke Skywalker

Portrayed by Mark Hamill in The Empire Strikes Back.

I know what you’re thinking. Luke? Really? Seriously? That whiny kid from Star Wars? Wouldn’t you prefer Han? Or Obi-Wan? Or…Anakin? At least Hayden Christiansen is “dreamy.” Well, if you care to keep reading, you will see that both Han and Obi-Wan make the cut. (Sorry, Ani!) But I must explain my reasoning for putting Luke on the list at all. As you can see, Luke only makes the list in Empire. He’s too young and immature in A New Hope and he’s too steady and dignified in Return of the Jedi. But he’s just right in Empire. The mix of his of hot-headed childish impatience and his driving will to prove himself as a man manage to snare me. Instead of looking at Luke as a little brother (like in Episode IV), he suddenly seems man enough to be a romantic possibility.

Hottest Scene – Luke’s training scenes on Dagobah, when he’s sweaty and covered in mud, with Yoda strapped to his back, doing back flips and lifting rocks…oh, baby…he would never have to use the force on me.
9. Marty McFly

Portrayed by Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future, Back to the Future-Part II, and Back to the Future-Part III.

He was the first man I ever loved. Okay…“loved” isn’t exactly accurate, but he was the first man I was ever attracted to in a romantic way. Thus, my state as a heterosexual female was cemented. My attraction to Marty McFly is deeply rooted in my childhood and therefore I will probably always have love for him. I think much of his appeal comes from his time travel experiences, something that I have long desired for myself. Most of my prepubescent fantasies involved us in the 50’s. In reality, Marty McFly is too “normal” to go for someone like me. But obviously I’m not that concerned with reality.

Hottest Scene – Playing “Johnny B. Goode” at the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance...or channeling Travis Bickle in long underwear.

8. Obi-Wan Kenobi

Portrayed by Ewan McGregor in The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, and Revenge of the Sith.

Now this is more like it. Now my list seems more like the average girl’s…well, kind of. My attraction to Obi-Wan (only in the prequel trilogy…sorry Sir Alec Guinness) is the opposite of my attraction to Luke. Obi-Wan is dignified and steady and mature. His calmness is soothing. He’s confident and in control without ever being cocky. I love Obi-Wan because he knows exactly who he is and what his duties are. It is kind of a shame that we don’t get to see him grow. I mean, there are differences between Menace and Clones, but most of his changes take an unfortunate backseat to Anakin’s. It’s also unfortunate (at least to me) that we never see him in a romance situation. (Apparently, he did have a forbidden romance with fellow Padawan Siri Tachi, but both decided to suppress their feelings to stay on the Jedi track). Obi-Wan’s stability and dedication to being a Jedi is something that I would never want to jeopardize, but I can’t help but feel that I could ease some of those lonely years while was on Tatooine.

Hottest Scene – Obi-Wan holding baby Luke…sorry, that scene just makes my uterus jump and I don't even want kids.

7. Indiana Jones a.k.a. Dr. Henry Jones, Jr.

Portrayed by Harrison Ford in Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

Indiana Jones, to inadvertently quote Hannah Montana, is the best of both worlds. On one side, he’s a super intelligent nerd. He can romance you in ancient Greek, Egyptian, and Hindustani, if you so please and discuss the real reasons behind the fall of the Roman Empire as he spoons you. On the other hand, he can save your life with crack of a whip and roguishly swing you to safety and with his shirt strategically ripped open, pull you into a kiss that would put a romance novel cover to shame. He’s a nerd, but a nerd who holds his own. I seriously doubt that he was in danger of being a victim of wedgies and “kick me” signs.

Hottest Scene – I’m tragically torn between his lecture scenes where he dons a bow tie and glasses…and ANY OTHER SCENE IN THE TRILOGY!

6. Han Solo

Portrayed by Harrison Ford in Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi.

I have to be perfectly honest. Han Solo is not really my type…and if he were a real person, I would hide my attraction for him and be ashamed that I desired someone so arrogant. But after my many viewings of the Star Wars trilogy, his cockiness and skeptical dry wit has managed to get under my skin. You’re probably wondering why exactly I ranked Han higher than Indy. Honestly, it’s because Han sticks with the same romantic interest through all three movies, where Indiana goes through Marion, Willie, Elsa and God knows how many others. I’m not an idiot. I know that Han has probably tapped ass all across the galaxy. But not after meeting Leia. The scene that seals it for me is when Han is being putting into carbon freeze. His last request is about Leia. And you can see that hint of a tear as he never breaks eye contact with her until he’s frozen. He allows his inner emotions to show, even if he doesn’t speak them aloud.

Hottest Scene – “You like me because I’m a scoundrel.”

5. Matthew Kidman

Portrayed by Emile Hirsch in The Girl Next Door.

The Girl Next Door was my first introduction to Emile Hirsch. In this 2004 teen sex comedy, he plays a hard-working, driven high school senior who meets an ex-porn star who turns his world upside down. Matthew is the class president, a good student and a decent fellow who (eventually) sees past Danielle’s porn history. Matthew is endearing and a little unsure of himself, especially since he lacks experiences with girls. Yet again, it’s the “nice” factor that draws me to this character.

Hottest Scene – The sex scene…if you’ve seen it, you know why.

4. Flynn Rider a.k.a. Eugene Fitzherbert
Voiced by Zachary Levi in Tangled.

As attracted as I am to "nice nerdy guys" I obviously have a weakness for cocky assholes...especially when they've had a tender side all along. Enter Flynn Rider, Disney's latest animated hero and a character hot enough to make me revise this list that I posted about three years ago. Flynn starts out as a overly confident mercenary who gains a conscious and falls for the princess. Sound like Han? Yeah. But his dashing 'n' daring facade eventually slips away and he is revealed to be an orphan named Eugene Fitzherbert who changed his name to emulate his favorite storybook swashbuckler. Eugene Fitzherbert. Is that not the nerdiest name you've ever heard? And after he's opened his heart to Rapunzel, he doesn't mind going back to his old moniker.

Hottest Scene – Back story. Sigh.

3. David Wagner

Portrayed by Tobey Maguire in Pleasantville.

David Wagner is my soulmate. I remember the first time I saw Pleasantville. I was 10, at my secret crush’s girlfriend’s birthday party. I was feeling very down in the dumps, as you can imagine any 10-year-old girl in that situation would feel. I can’t remember why exactly Pleasantville was the movie of choice, but I do remember the first time I saw Tobey Maguire. He was goofy, endearing, and obsessed with the fake, saccharine T.V. version of the 50’s, the very same one I had spent my youth fantasizing about. It was meant to be. It was that movie that made me realize that there had to be men in the world who were as equally pathetic as me.

Hottest Scene – Spouting off trivia in preparation for the Pleasantville marathon.

2. Jack Dawson
Portrayed by Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic.

Jack Dawson is the perfect man. He’s everything any woman could ever want. He’s kind, caring, chivalrous, funny, romantic…[enter other likable quality here]. In fact, the only thing “wrong” with him is his “limited means.” For some women, that’s an issue, but for me it’s not. Yes, Jack Dawson is perfect, but we as an audience have to remember that the whole film is from Rose’s perspective. And she’s a 101 years old. Perhaps some of Jack’s less than admirable qualities were lost over the years. And, we only know him for four days and then he freezes to death. Maybe Jack Dawson is too good to be true, but luckily, none of us will ever know the truth.

Hottest Scene – “Put your hands on me, Jack.”

1. Peter Parker/Spider-Man

Portrayed by Tobey Maguire in Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2 and the non-emo scenes of Spider-Man 3.

And here we are at the end. Anyone who knows me will not be surprised at my number 1. By day, he’s Peter Parker, good-natured, tragically love sick nerd who’s sweet to his aunt, good to his friends, and able to spout off facts about microscopes and the defense mechanisms of arachnids. But night, he’s the web-slinging, crime fighting, smart mouthed superhero. Again, going back to Hannah Montana, he’s the best of both worlds. He can save your life and help you with your chemistry homework. Plus, he is disgustingly and adorably hooked on Mary Jane. (Who, in my opinion, is not nearly good enough for him). His loyalty to her is astounding. (If you ignore his Gwen Stacy scenes in Spider-Man 3, which I, like all self-respecting Spider-Man fans, do). I honestly feel that one of the reasons nerds get such bad reps is because women don’t think they can protect them if danger presents itself. With Spider-Man, one always feel safe and with Peter, I imagine the same thing.

Hottest Scene – Any scene where he’s in his Spidey suit without the mask.

No comments: