Best Original Song - 2010

"If I Rise" from 127 Hours sung by Dido and A.R. Rahman


Movie Synopsis: A mountain climber becomes trapped under a boulder while canyoneering alone near Moab, Utah and resorts to desperate measures in order to survive.

Does it appear in the movie (i.e. other than the end credits)? N/A.
Is it important to the plot? N/A.
Is it pleasing to the ear? D.

"Coming Home" from Country Strong sung by Gwyneth Paltrow

Movie Synopsis: A drama centered on a rising country-music songwriter who sparks with a fallen star.

Does it appear in the movie (i.e. other than the end credits)? N/A.
Is it important to the plot? N/A.
Is it pleasing to the ear? B+.

"I See the Light" from Tangled sung by Mandy Moore and Zachery Levi

Movie Synopsis: The magically long-haired Rapunzel has spent her entire life in a tower, but now that a runaway thief has stumbled upon her, she is about to discover the world for the first time, and who she really is.

Does it appear in the movie (i.e. other than the end credits)? Yes.
Is it important to the plot? Rapunzel and Flynn realize they are in love.
Is it pleasing to the ear? A+.

"We Belong Together" from Toy Story 3 sung by sigh, Randy Newman

Movie Synopsis: The toys are mistakenly delivered to a day-care center instead of the attic right before Andy leaves for college, and it's up to Woody to convince the other toys that they weren't abandoned and to return home.

Does it appear in the movie (i.e. other than the end credits)? I've seen this movie twice and I don't fucking remember!
Is it important to the plot? Uh...maybe?
Is it pleasing to the ear? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NO MORE RANDY NEWMAN!!!
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What would I vote for?

"I See the Light" from Tangled

Oh, please. If you're surprised, you really don't know me at all. I will say that this is one of the most beautiful love songs I've ever heard, Disney movie or otherwise. Yes, 't's very Alan Menken but why fix what ain't broke? I want this one to win more than "That's How You Know" from Enchanted.

So what won?
"We Belong Together" from Toy Story 3

Okay, just fucking great. Are you happy, Randy Newman?? 20 nominations of the same fucking song and you won AGAIN. I hope you're fucking pleased with yourself for stealing the Oscar from one of the best nominees in YEARS!!!! ARG!!!!! RETIRE!!! ARG!!!!!

Analysis
The last time there were four nominees in this catergory was back in 1939 when "Over the Rainbow" from The Wizard of Oz took home the golden guy. I cannot fathom why this year has four nominees, since there have steadily been five since 1946, with a freak three nominees in 1988, 2005, and 2008. But whatever. 127 Hours' song was pretty freaking underwhelming. (Why is there always some pretentious, sipping-coffee-and-reading-Sylvia-Plath type song?) I liked "Coming Home" just fine, but I'm a fan of country music. Oh, and suck it, Randy Newman.
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Honestly, I could never compile a proper list of "Best Original Songs" because I don't stick around during the end credits and don't really know what's "original". But as a super fun bonus to this entry, I give you a few original songs that I hoped would have been nominated.

"Dreams to Dreams" from An American Tail: Fievel Goes West sung by Cathy Cavadini

1991's Nominees
"Beauty and the Beast" - Beauty and the Beast
"Belle" - Beauty and the Beast
"Be Our Guest" - Beauty and the Beast
"Everything I Do (I Do it For You)" - Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
"When You're Alone" - Hook

Notes: 1991 was a pretty fucking good year and I like all five nominees. I would probably boot out "When You're Alone" just because it's the least memorable. "Dreams to Dreams" is a GORGEOUS song and very, very underrated although it was nominated for a Golden Globe (over either "Belle" or "When You're Alone"). It's far better than An American Tale's soft rock standard "Somewhere Out There".

"Let Me Be Your Wings" from Thumbelina sung by Gary Imhoff and Jodi Benson

1994's Nominees
"Look What Love Has Done" - Junior
"Can You Feel the Love Tonight" - The Lion King
"Circle of Life" - The Lion King
"Hakuna Matata" - The Lion King

"Make Up Your Mind" - The Paper

Notes: Listen, it's a beautiful song and far better than Randy Newman's "Make Up Your Mind".

"Scotty Doesn't Know" from Euro Trip sung by Lustra

2004's Nominees
"Look to Your Path" - The Chorus
"Al Otro Lado Del Rio" - The Motorcycle Diaries
"Learn to Be Lonely" - Phantom of the Opera
"Believe" - The Polar Express
"Accidentally in Love" - Shrek 2

Notes: "Scotty Doesn't Know" is one of the most underrated movie songs of all time. The song is about how Scotty's girlfriend Fiona has repeatedly cheated on him with the lead singer of the band (portrayed by Matt Damon in the movie). As the main character and his friends tour Europe, the song becomes a hit, even being remixed in a dance club in eastern Europe. This is a fun pop punk song and catchy as hell, but it is also important to the film, far more important than dozens of other nominees and winners in the BOS catergory.

"Keep Holding On" from Eragon sung by Avril Lavigne

2006's Nominees
"Our Town" - Cars
"Listen" - Dreamgirls
"Love You I Do" - Dreamgirls
"Patience" - Dreamgirls
"I Need to Wake Up" - An Inconvenient Truth

Notes: I really liked this song from the first time I heard it, during the end credits of Eragon. Does it have anything to do with the movie? Hell no. Was it a big radio hit? Hell yes. I can't help it but I have a certain attachment to radio hit BOS nomineees.

"Possibility" from The Twilight Saga: New Moon sung by Lykke Li

2009's Nominees
"The Weary Kind" - Crazy Heart"Take It All" - Nine
"Loin de Paname" - Paris 36
"Almost There" - The Princess and the Frog
"Down in New Orleans" - The Princess and the Frog

Notes: No, I am not one of those people. But I fucking love this song, from the first time I watched New Moon, this last summer. With its echoing piano and slow, steady tempo, this song just weighs on your chest. It depresses you and along with the visuals of Bella's own depression, it matches perfectly.

And, if there were a fifth nominee for 2010...

"Alice (Underground)" from Alice in Wonderland sung by Avril Lavigne

Notes: Another Avril Lavigne end credits song...but unlike "Keep Holding On", this one actually fits the "Hot Topic-ness" of Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland.

I'll Send an S.O.S. to the World

Title: Message in a Bottle

Year: 1999

Rated: PG-13

Run Time: 2 hours, 11 minutes

Starring

Robin Wright-Penn as Theresa Osborne
Kevin Costner as Garret Blake

Paul Newman as Dodge Blake

Robbie Coltrane as Charlie Toschi
John Savage as Johnny Land
Ileanna Douglas as Lina Paul

One Sentence Plot Summary: A woman discovers a tragic love letter in a bottle on a beach, and is determined to track down its author.

Tagline: A story of love lost and found.

First Viewing: January 26, 2011

Comments

And away we go! I've seen this movie once and I will not be watching it again, not even to get certain plot points 100% correct. So, I give my half-assed apologies now if you are, in fact, a fan of Nicholas Sparks and I somehow forget something crucial to this story. I'm not really sure how to format these next six blog posts. Should I go through the plot and then bitch? Or should I just bitch along the way? A little of both perhaps?


So Message in a Bottle begins with a woman named Theresa dropping her son off at the airport so he can stay with his dad and his younger, sexier obviously-once-was-a-former-mistress wife. Theresa stays at a bed and breakfast, rejects possible suitors, and goes running on the beach to kill the time until she can go back to her life that revolves around her son and job at the Chicago Tribune.


Theresa then finds the eponymous message in a bottle. It begins...

My Dearest Catherine, I miss you my darling, as I always do, but today is particularly hard because the ocean has been singing to me, and the song is that of our life together....

[pause to fight back the bile...












...okay, we're good]


She immediately falls in love with the romanticism of this letter written to the mysterious Catherine. When she returns to Chicago, her boss publishes the letter, causing a huge reader response. Two other letters with the same letterhead and similar writing style are sent in. Theresa uses her journalistic connections to CSI the shit out the situation and discovers the writer lives in North Carolina (a staple in Sparks' novels) and that his name is Garret Blake.

Theresa goes down to this sleepy North Carolinian hamlet to see if there's any kind of follow up to the story. She finds Garret who is attractive (eh, "Kevin Costner in the late 90's attractive") and single (Catherine is dead, more on that later). And of course, like in EVERY SINGLE FUCKING STORY/MOVIE/TV SHOW/BOOK/PLAY/WHATEVER, the reporter does not explain that she is, in fact, a reporter and that she knows private information about the other person. No, no. Then we wouldn't have a fucking story would we? No, we wouldn't.


So Theresa pretends to be a innocent tourist and takes a ride on Garret's sailboat. They talk. He invites her over for dinner. They talk some more and sleep together. Not "sleep together", but actually sleep together. Garret is still obsessed with his dead wife. He's left her painting corner PRECISELY how it was when she died. The twosome get in a fight when something is moved and Garret's dad explains that Catherine died due to pregnancy complications. Naturally, Garret blames himself.

But Theresa's "vacation" ends and she goes back to Chicago, but not after they exchange phone numbers. Eventually, Garret comes to the Windy City for a visit and they FINALLY have sex, (while Theresa's son is over at a friend's house). While Theresa is in the shower, Garret discovers the bottle, the letters, the newspaper article, and all other contra-fucking-band that shows Theresa as the manipulative stalker that she is.


Aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnndddddddd you can guess what happens.


But since this is a Nicholas Sparks story, it just keeps going. Despite Garret being pissed at the deception, he's still inspired enough to finish this boat he was building before Catherine died. Apparently, this makes him forgive Theresa, so he sends her a Polaroid and she comes to see the boat launching. Of course the damn thing is named "Catherine" and he dedicates it to her. Theresa CAN'T STAND THE PAIN and runs back to Chicago. On the Catherine's maiden voyage, Garret attempts to save a family from a storm of deus ex machina AND DIES.


The end. :-)


I was naive about this one. Really, I actually thought, "You know, maybe since it's the first movie and since it's about people in their thirties, maybe it won't be as insipid." HA! Boy, was I a fucking idiot! Yes, Message in a Bottle is just as pandering, cliche, and hair-rippingly idiotic as the other two Nicholas Sparks movies I've had the pain of watching.


God, where to start? How about Theresa? Her husband left her for another woman and it hurt her, so she doesn't date much. Her life revolves around her son and job. Typical. So since she's obviously emotionally unsatisfied, she latches on to this exceptionally sappy man she's never met who, by the way, could be a complete psycho who gets off on sending fake letters out to sea. Then after she meets the real man and falls in love with him, she can't deal with the fact that he's obviously still in love with his wife, WHO HE WROTE THESE EXCEPTIONALLY SAPPY LETTERS TO!!! The whole reason why Theresa fell in love with Garret was because of his love for this other woman. Pretty sick, really.

Then there's Garret. He's your basic weeping widower. Honestly, I can't really complain about him. He's just doing his thing, living his life, mourning his wife. Who is anyone to say that he should get over her? But indeed, Theresa reminds him of how wonderful love can be and he's ready to take a chance again...then he dies.


Is this the reward for moving on? For some reason, Fiction tells us that whenever one love ends, there needs to be someone else to immediately fill that void. We can't possibly survive on our own. We can't possibly be satisfied with the memory of that "perfect love". Memories are insubstantial. Memories aren't real. Memories don't hold you when you cry or bake you a cake on your birthday. You can't have make up sex with a memory. But you can with a rebound. According to Fiction, the "perfect love" happens to be whoever is currently loving you and in this movie, that is Theresa.


But like I said, Garret dies in spite of the fact that he is ready to put away Catherine's memory and give his heart to Theresa. WHY? Seriously, what is the point of the fucking story? Are we supposed to move on or aren't we? What is the fucking lesson, Nicholas Sparks?

And then I wondered, maybe Nicholas Sparks is a genius and he's showing you just can't fucking win. You'll love one person the rest of your life and if you dare try to love again, Poseidon will give you a bitch slap and drown your ass. But then I realized, no, Nicholas Sparks just wrote himself into a corner and had to force some tragedy to make this story worthy of being published. Because if there's one thing Nicholas Sparks does indeed know, it's that the only love stories anyone remembers are about people who are tragically separated.

Think about it.

And what about poor Theresa who was dumped for that hot other woman and then failed to be better than Garret's perfect first wife? What about her? Well, no happy ending. She just goes on, just like before, working at the Trib and raising her son. Oh, but she did learn a lesson: 

"If some lives form a perfect circle, others take shape in ways we cannot predict or always understand. Loss has been part of my journey. But it has also shown me what is precious. So has love for which I can only be grateful."

Keep telling yourself that, babe.

Okay, what have I left out? Well, there's a whole subplot about Catherine's family and how they blame Garret for her death and how he keeps her paintings all to himself and blah, blah,blah do you really care? No. And there's the best part of the movie: Garret's dad, cantankerous grumpy old man, Dodge. Paul Newman thankfully brings some sarcasm and acid wit to this movie. I mean, it's not the best of this kind of humor, but everything else is so goddamn corny you'll think you're in fucking Iowa! The snark is so appreciated.

Can I be done now? I said something nice.

So there you have it, the very first of my Nicholas Sparks film adaptation reviews. Yes, I was disappointed in Message in a Bottle, but it was my own damn fault. I should have known better. From now on, I will assume that no pleasure can be taken from the next five films, only the feeling of a wolverine chewing on your foot.

DAF #37 - Alice in Wonderland (1951)

Alice: "But that's nonsense. Flowers can't talk."
Rose: "But of course we can talk my dear."
Orchid: "If there's anyone around worth talking to."
Daisy: "Or about!"

Title: Alice in Wonderland

Year: 1951

Rated: G

Run Time: 1 hour, 15 minutes

Starring
Kathryn Beaumont as Alice
Sterling Holloway as Cheshire Cat
Bill Thompson as White Rabbit/The Dodo
Ed Wynn as The Mad Hatter
Jerry Colonna as The March Hare
Richard Haydn as The Caterpillar
Verna Felton as Queen of Hearts

J. Pat O'Malley as Tweedledum/Tweedledee 

Plot: A young girl follows a rabbit into the magical, nonsensical world of Wonderland.
Based on: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll.
Setting: Wonderland, 1860's.

Tagline: The all-cartoon Musical Wonderfilm!

First Viewing: Early 90's on VHS.

Comments

Fun fact: my middle name is Alice. Therefore, I've always had an odd connection and camaraderie to Alice in Wonderland. (After all, there is simply a lack of female characters named Jordyn...or more likely, Jordan). So, Alices were the next best thing. And being a fan of Peter Pan and The Wizard of Oz as a small child, the third in this triumvirate of "girl gets transported to magical world" stories was a necessity. All that being said, it's my least favorite of the three.

(Anime fan drawing I jacked from DeviantART)

To be fair, I've never read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland or Alice Through the Looking-Glass. I've only seen this Disney version (and the live action Return to Oz-esque sequel with Johnny Depp) and from everything I've researched, neither are the best adaptation. But with both, I can't help but feel that something is missing.

It all begins on the bank of some tranquil river in the English countryside. Young Alice (who appears to be ten in this version) is listening to her sister read a dreadfully dull history book. After being reprimanded, Alice decides she'd rather live in a world of nonsense. Just then, she sees the perpetually late White Rabbit and follows him down a rabbit hole.

Technically, I could summarize as I usually do, but Alice in Wonderland is such an erratic, free-for-all, plotless mindfuck that it would just be easier to do this: Alice shrinks, grows, shrinks, cries, enters a caucus race (whatever the fuck that is), meets the Tweedles, grows, shrinks, sings with some flowers, meets the Caterpillar, meets the Cheshire Cat, meets the Mad Hatter & Co., cries, meets some playing card soldiers, plays croquet with the Queen of Hearts, stands trial for...something, grows, shrinks, and then wakes up discovering it was all a dream.

The Alice books are considered classics of English literature, but I can't help but wonder WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT??? Peter Pan deals with the freedom of youth vs. the responsibility of adulthood. And the theme of The Wizard of Oz, au contraire to popular belief, is NOT "there's no place like home", it's that the power to succeed is inside you. (Think about it, Dorothy has the shoes all along, The Scarecrow is hardly dumb, the Tin Man is hardly an unfeeling douchebag, and the Cowardly Lion acts with courage many times. This is even apparent in the 1939 musical version! But I digress...)

So I ask again: WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF ALICE IN WONDERLAND???

Well, I've often struggled with assigning a theme to a piece of fiction ever since high school, so I cheated and went to Sparknotes. They say that Alice's constant growing and shrinking are representative of the pubertal changes soon to come in her life. And the Caterpillar is sometimes seen as a symbol of sexual virility, a threatening and befuddling phallus that will FUCK HER SHIT UP!

Beware Alice! He's about to spell "orgasm"!

Also, Life is a confusing and unsolvable puzzle. And I suppose if you squint at Disney's adaptation of AIW, then yeah, sure.

A really big complaint concerning this version is the "lack of heart". I'll voice this complaint as well. Who really gives a shit about Alice? She doesn't have any qualities that make us sympathize with her. She's simply a bored, spoiled English girl who doesn't appreciate history. And then she continually feels sorry for herself after entering a world of her own imagining where "everything is what it isn't". So if there is a moral to Disney's Alice in Wonderland it's be careful what you wish for.

 
Alice in Wonderland did not do to well at box office until the late 60's when our good old friend Narcotics made it a classic. Honestly, I don't have a vendetta against the drug culture that made a few of these DAF's financially successful. After all, I love "White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane.

Remember what the Dormouse said: "Feed your head."

I think what it boils down to is that Alice in Wonderland is a story I want to like as much as Peter Pan and The Wizard of Oz, but I just can't! So far there hasn't been an adaptation that's captivated me like with the other two. I was hopeful with Tim Burton's version, but I found it lacking. However, I won't lose hope. Being in the public domain, there is sure to be a satisfying version of Alice in Wonderland made in the future. Honestly, I hope it's an adaptation of American McGee's Alice.

Songs
"Alice in Wonderland" - Chorus
"In a World of My Own" - Kathryn Beaumont (Alice)
"I'm Late" - The White Rabbit (Bill Thompson)
"The Sailor's Hornpipe" - The Dodo (Bill Thompson)
"The Caucus Race" - The Dodo and Animals
"How Do You Do and Shake Hands" - Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum (J. Pat O'Malley)
"The Walrus and the Carpenter" - Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum
"Old Father William" - Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum
"Smoke the Blighter Out" - The Dodo and The White Rabbit
"All in the Golden Afternoon" - The Flowers and Alice
"A-E-I-O-U" - The Caterpillar (Richard Haydn)
"'Twas Brillig" - The Cheshire Cat (Sterling Holloway)
"The Unbirthday Song" - The Mad Hatter (Ed Wynn), The March Hare (Jerry Colonna), and Alice
"Very Good Advice" - Alice
"Painting the Roses Red" - The Playing Cards  (The Melloman) and Alice
"Who's Been Painting My Roses Red?" (Reprise) - The Queen of Hearts  (Verna Felton) and The Playing Cards
"The Unbirthday Song" (Reprise) - The Mad Hatter, The March Hare, The Queen of Hearts, and The Playing Cards
"The Caucus Race" (Reprise) - Chorus
"Alice in Wonderland" (Reprise) - Chorus

Favorite Song: “All in the Golden Afternoon” - Chorus
Favorite Moment: "The Walrus and the Carpenter" segment.
Favorite Character: The King of Hearts

Hooray!

Next DAF: The Sword in the Stone (1963)

Sparks Fly...and Eyes Roll : Jordyn vs. Nicholas Sparks

In the time between high school and now, I have come to loathe Nicholas Sparks. LOATHE. And because of this, my dear, dear "friend" Andrew has challenged me to watch all six Nicholas Sparks film adaptations. I have seen two (A Walk to Remember and The Notebook) but the rest I've successfully avoided...until now. In each loving review, I will express exactly why I dislike Nicholas Sparks' certain what the French and hormone addled youth call...I don't know what.

Here's a little known fact in my internet life: once upon a time, I wanted to become a historical romance novelist. Yes, picture in your mind one of those drugstore staples, where Fabio or Sergio or some other mononym male model, with his perfectly sculpted tan chest and flowing golden mullet, embraces a nymph of exceptional beauty who has an equally beautiful chest and head of hair. As he holds her in the rippling vise of his biceps, she swoons and an orgasm overtakes her and her neckline threatens to reveal her pert nipples.

Yeah, those.

I happen to like those. And no, I'm not ashamed of my past. In fact, I've learned lots from them...but that's a different story for a different day. The point is, I loved romance novels and while in high school, got piles upon piles of shit for reading such tripe. Still, I went on reading exactly what I wanted.

It was around this time that other people started nosing their way into my reading habits. My best friend Ashley's grandmother suggested a little novel called "The Notebook" by Nicholas Sparks. Even though some grandmothers read romance novels (like my 101 year old one), I knew that Ashley's grandmother was a little bit more prude, so I asked for a synopsis. I was not impressed.

In high school, things just got worse. The girls in my class started reading Nicholas Sparks books and feeling superior to me. With the tragic endings and teenage characters and cancer patients, those books were more important, damn it! What I read was "perverted" due to many a purple prose sex scene. But seriously now, why in the hell would you not want to read about your favorite characters gettin' it on? (Just a mystery of life, I guess).


So anyway, I hate Nicholas Sparks. Almost to a point where I can't really form coherent arguments and I end up sounding like an ignorant chump jealous of his success. (Not that I am or anything). This blog series will hopefully allow me to finally express my merited disdain for this over-hyped author. I will not be discussing acting, directing, music, art direction, costumes, etc. This will solely be a bitchfest about STORY.
 So sit back, grab a tissue box, barf bag, hit of X, bottle of tequila, rosary or whatever it is you may need to get through the next few weeks because I'm telling you, it won't be easy.


Also, because I'm just as evil as my comrade, Andrew, he will be reviewing six of Tyler Perry's Madea movies over at Diversion 2.0.

Note: No, I am not reading the books because I would like to live to see my next birthday. And if you're going to get snarky and say..."Oooh...if you don't read the books, you're not getting the full experience." I say "Bullshit. If it weren't for the movies, the thirteen year old girls of America wouldn't be picking up his paperbacks at Wal-Mart!"

DAF #38 - Fantasia 2000 (1999)

Title: Fantasia 2000
Year: 1999 (Ironic)

Rating: G

Run Time: 1 hour, 14 minutes

Plot: A second collection of animated segments set to classical music.

Based on: Original ideas; "The Steadfast Tin Soldier" by Hans Christian Andersen; The Sorcerer's Apprentice; Chapters 6-9 in the Book of Genesis.

Setting: Various; Under the sea; 1930's New York City; Toyland; Yen Sid's lair...again; Flamingos; Biblical times; The Forest.

First Viewing: Early 2000 at the IMAX with my Girl Scout troop.

Comments
Oh boy, I am getting tired of reviewing these segmented movies! Thankfully, this is the second to last we will get to in this blog. And luckily, I've already done Fantasia, so I will be able to compare and contrast to my heart's desire.

Any Disney fan worth their salt knows how much old Walt loved the idea of setting animation to classical music but few know the original plan was for Fantasia was to be an ever evolving film, released every few years with new sections while old ones were rotated out. But, due to Fantasia being a financial flop and the fact that World War II sucked the European market dry, Disney had to concentrate on other projects. It wasn’t until the early 90’s when Roy E. Disney (Walt’s nephew who appears at the beginning of all those home video release) pushed for his uncle’s dream to be realized.

Originally, "The Nutcracker Suite" (fairies, flowers, and mushrooms), "Dance of the Hours" (ostrich and hippo ballet) and "The Sorcerer’s Apprentice" (Mickey with the wizard's hat) were the only old segments to be included in Fantasia 2000. However, the creative teams were so excited to make new shorts that all but “Apprentice” were cut…lucky for us.

Symphony No. 5, Allegro Con Brio (Ludwig van Beethoven) – Like the original Fantasia, this film starts out suddenly with minor credits and jumps into an abstract piece. Shapes resembling butterflies and bats fight with one another in a world of dark vs. light and good vs. evil. This clash of positive and negative forces is shown through flight in a darkened sky as light is emitted in splashes, rays, and shafts. Obviously, this one's "abstractness" is meant to open the film just as the "abstractness" of "Toccata and Fugue" did back in 1940.

The Pines of Rome (Ottorino Respighi) – A family of humpback whales are able to fly due to a supernova (Uh, sure). While frolicking around, a baby whale is separated from his parents and is trapped under an iceberg. He is later freed by his mother and then joins them in flight. This is probably my least favorite. Whales...eh. Plus it has that weird late 90's animation-CGI blend thing going on that never quite looks right.

Rhapsody in Blue (George Gershwin) – So maybe it's not "classical music". If we're going to get technical, the Classical period of music takes places between 1750-1830. Which means most of the pieces used in the Fantasia series are not "classical". Personally, I love this one. This jazzy tune follows four characters throughout a day in Depression era New York City; a construction worker who longs to be a jazz drummer, a man out of work, a neglected poor little rich girl, and a sugar daddy with a domineering wife. All characters are drawn in Al Hirschfeld’s linear style which fits the music perfectly.

The Steadfast Tin Soldier - Piano Concerto No. 2 (Dmitri Shostakovich) – The Steadfast Tin Soldier is an odd fairy tale written by Hans Christian Andersen. It would probably not make a very good full-length feature, but as a short it works very well. A one legged toy soldier falls in love with a ballerina doll who is pursued by an evil Jack-in-the-Box. The villain throws the soldier out the window, sending him on a great odyssey. But the soldier over comes incredible odds and wins the ballerina's heart.This has some kind of weird CGI-cel animation mix making the characters look plasticine. It works though since all the characters are toys.

 
The Carnival of the Animals (Camille Saint-Saëns) – The shortest segment involves the daily, choreographed routine of a flock of flamingos which is interrupted when one of them introduces a yo-yo to the mix.This one is fun and such a far cry from the original Fantasia. Yes, we see goofy animal antics in "Dance of the Hours" but not like this. Don't get me wrong, it's nothing new. It's pure slapstick and much appreciated.

 
The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (Paul Dukas) – If only one segment from Fantasia would go into the sequel, it would be this one. It's the exact short from the original: Mickey steals the wizard's hat, enchants the brooms, dreams of being master, chops up the brooms, loses control, and is saved by Yen Sid. You've seen it.

Noah’s Ark - Pomp and Circumstance Marches 1,2,3, and 4 (Edward Elgar) – Oh my Christ, I love "Pomp and Circumstance"! It's quite possibly my favorite piece of classical music (if "classical" means instrumental-non-film-score). Because we've just had a Mickey moment, Donald gets his turn in the sun as Noah's assistant. His duties include herding all the animals, two by two, onto the Ark. But in the confusion, he's separated from Daisy and thinks he is the last of his kind. This one is damn cheesy and probably not like any of the old Donald shorts. (It's nothing like Saludos or Caballeros, you can be sure!) But I really, really enjoy its humor and heart.

 
Firebird Suite, 1919 Version (Igor Stravinsky) – This one's the "masterpiece". This one's the beautiful, dramatic, triumphant finale. This is the one meant to make you jizz in your pants and make you jizz again in mere remembrance. A woodland sprite is summoned by a lone elk to bring springtime to the wintered wilderness. But the beauty of the season is destroyed when she accidentally awakens the Firebird in a nearby volcano. With the help of the elk, she reawakens what lies beneath the ashes of the ravaged forest. Yes, it is beautiful but it's painfully obvious why they saved this one for last. I wonder if it was conceptualized as such: "Fuck! We need something MAGNIFICENT to cap this off! Donald Duck's Bible Stories isn't doing it for me!" I do enjoy this one despite all that.

As I was rewatching Fantasia 2000 for this post, I was surprised at how quickly it went by. I was like "Oh shit, here's the Firebird Suite!". This film is a whopping 50 minutes shorter than its predecessor. For fans of the original, I imagine this is unsatisfying, but I think its juuuuuust right. A movie made of shorts should not drag and this one is like a breeze.

That being said, it was the first DAF released after the Disney Renaissance had ended months earlier with Tarzan. Fantasia 2000 was put into production some time after The Lion King roared as victor of animation, when Disney was God and could do no wrong. Roy pushed for his uncle's dream to be realized and everyone just went along with it. Besides, shorts were rarely made anymore so that could be fun, right? No one heeded the warning of Fantasia's initial theatrical failings. It had since become a film classic! It had made thousands of dollars from its VHS release! Surely a successful sequel would follow in its footsteps. However, that was not the case. Something this Extraordinary was too good for regular movie theaters, and thus, Fantasia 2000 became the first animated film ever released in IMAX.

Fantasia 2000 lost money, but that doesn't hinder my enjoyment of it. I like the music. I like the animation and story lines. I like the length (that's what she said). And, damn it, I even like the cheesy Oscar Presenter-like bumpers featuring Steve Martin, Bette Midler, and James Earl Jones. The contemporary, comic subtext makes it easier for me to enjoy. This isn't your grandpa's intense, stuffy "concert feature." During Fantasia 2000, I can relax. While I watch the original, I feel like I'll get my knuckles snapped with a ruler if I doze off during "The Rite of Spring."

From now on in this little ranking retrospective of mine, you'll find I enjoy the following DAF's more than I don't. Fantasia 2000 is the first of these. It's a damn likable movie all the way through (save for the snags of "Pines of Rome" and that damn "Sorcerer's Apprentice"). Just as I feel its precursor is overrated, Fantasia 2000 is underrated.

Songs
“Symphony No. 5” – Ludwig van Beethoven
“Pines of Rome” – Ottorino Respighi
“Rhapsody in Blue” – George Gershwin
“Piano Concerto No. 2” – Dmitri Shostakovich
“Carnival of the Animals” – Camille Saint-Saens
“The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” – Paul Dukas
“Pomp and Circumstance” – Edward William Elgar
“Firebird Suite (1919 Version)” – Igor Fedorvich Stravinsky

Favorite Song: “Pomp and Circumstance” – Edward William Elgar
Favorite Segment: "Rhapsody in Blue"

Favorite Character: The Steadfast Tin Soldier and the Ballerina

Next Film: Alice in Wonderland (1951)

DAF #39 - The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (1949)

Title: The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad

Year: 1949

Rated: G

Run Time: 1 hour, 8 minutes


Starring
Basil Rathbone as Narrator of "The Wind and the Willows"
Bing Crosby as Narrator of "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow"
Eric Blore as J. Thaddeus Toad, Esq.
J. Pat O'Malley as Cyril Proudbottom
Campbell Grant as Angus MacBadger
Claud Allister as Ratty
Colin Campbell as Moley
Oliver Wallace as Mr. Winkie


Plot: A toad with a weakness for manias is accused of stealing a motorcar while a lanky schoolmaster is pursued by a headless horseman.
Based on: "The Wind in the Willows" by Kenneth Grahame and "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" by Washington Irving.
Setting: English countryside, early 1900's; Sleepy Hollow, New York, post Revolutionary War.


Tagline: Two Tall Tales by the world's top story-tellers in one hilarious All-Cartoon Feature!

First Viewing: Spring of 2006 on borrowed on VHS from Karen.


Comments
The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad marks several important turning points. First of all, it was the last of The Package Films. (I know, I know, it's a sad day, is it not?)  Like Fun and Fancy Free, the two segments of I&MT were planned to be their own features. I don't know when exactly production for these two features started, but by the time they were finished, WWII had been over for four years. Animators and money were back at Disney and they were just one year away from releasing their first "single story" feature in 8 years, Cinderella.


Needless to say, the sheer quality of I&MT animation-wise, story-wise...just everything-wise is a vast improvement over every DAF since Bambi. And it was honored for it. Ichabod and Mr. Toad has the proud distinction of being the first DAF to be nominated for and win a Golden Globe. Although the Oscars had been honoring the DAF's from the beginning, the Globes held back until 1949.


And what was the award Disney's 11th animated feature won? Drum roll please....

BEST CINEMATOGRPAHY - COLOR

Yes, cinematography. The Golden Globes only had this category for about six years and I&MT was up against one other movie, On the Town, a Gene Kelly-Frank Sinatra musical.

Yeah, the one with "New York, New York". It's not really important, just a weird fact in the history of Disney, the Golden Globes, and film in general.


As for the third turning point, Ichabod and Mr. Toad marks a shift in my ranking. Up to this point you could categorize my ranking as such:

Movies I Hate
Lilo & Stitch

Movies I'm "Meh" About
The Three Caballeros
Melody Time
Oliver & Company
Saludos Amigos
Dinosaur
Fun and Fancy Free

Movies I Enjoy for One Specific Reason
Chicken Little (Chicken Little as directed by Michael Bay)
Brother Bear (It's pretty)
Make Mine Music (Johnnie Fedora and Alice Bluebonnet)
Fantasia (The Pastoral Symphony)

Ichabod and Mr. Toad is a movie I am decidedly split on. I love, love, love the Mr. Toad segment but Ichabod...not so much. If the whole thing was "The Wind and the Willows", it would assuredly rank higher, but alas it is merely half of the film and I must be fair.


So, while "Bongo" and  "Mickey and the Beanstalk" have nothing in common, an attempt to link our segments today is made. Basil Rathbone notes all the great characters of English literature: King Arthur! Robin Hood! Becky Sharp! Oliver Twist! And yes, even Sherlock Holmes! But truly, the greatest of them all is J. Thaddeus Toad, Esquire. A rather charming, but wastrel of a character who owns Toad Hall, the pride of the riverside. Our hero's friends, the proper Ratty (a water rat), the gentle Moley (a mole) and the uptight Angus MacBadger (guess) are worried about Toad's spending habits and his susceptibility to fads and manias.

Toad's latest obsession is a yellow gypsy cart pulled by a cockney horse named Cyril J. Proudbottom. However, their adventures cause much damage to the surrounding area so Ratty and Moley try to persuade Toad to give up Cyril and the cart. But before he can give it up, a motorcar catches Toad's fancy and he develops a new mania: Motormania.


For his own good, and for the good of Toad Hall, Ratty and Moley lock Toad in his bedroom to keep him from doing anything irrational. Nonetheless, Toad escapes and finds himself accused of stealing a motorcar. In truth, he fairly traded the deed of Toad Hall to one Mr. Winkie (who possesses the most shit-eating-grin in the history of Disney Animation) for his motorcar. But come the trial, Mr. Winkie claims that it was Toad tried to sell a stolen motorcar.

While in jail, Toad begins to realize the errors of his reckless ways. But before he can fully repent, Cyril comes for a visit disguised as Toad's grandmother and helps him escape. Toad eventually finds Ratty and Moley who have since learned of their friend's innocence and that Toad Hall had been taken over by Mr. Winkie and his band of weasels.

He's been eating some shit, I'd say.

With a little help from his friends, Toad regains the deed to Toad Hall and clears his good name. He promises to be through with manias from and his friends toast to a "new Toad". However, all are surprised to see Toad's new mania: airplanes.

While it's quite possible that you've seen "The Wind and the Willows" segment on its own, you could not have gone to an elementary school Halloween party without a routine viewing of Disney's "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow". At the conclusions of Toad's adventures, Bing Crosby takes over the narrating reigns to relate to us his favorite American character: Icahbod Crane, the gangly, greedy, and gluttonous new schoolmaster in the humble hamlet of Sleepy Hollow.

Despite his ridiculous appearance, Ichabod is popular with the ladies, while for the gents, he's an easy target for pranks. Brom Bones (the early model for Beauty and the Beast's Gaston), is the biggest bully of them all. Things get heavy when Ichabod discovers Katrina van Tassel, the most beautiful girl in the land and the daughter of the richest farmer for miles.

Flitatious Katrina views Icky as a means of discouraging Broms (and to make him jealous, if you ask me), but it does nothing but encourage him. Several plans to make Ichabod fall out of favor with Katrina fail until the night of the van Tassel's annual Halloween party. Knowing of Icahbod's proneness to superstitions, Brom tells the tale of The Headless Horseman to show his rival's weakness.

Ichabod rides home alone, exceptionally frightened. The Headless Horseman appears, riding a large black horse similar to Brom's and chases Ichabod across the bridge where the graveyard lies. The Horseman throws a flaming Jack-o-Latern and everything fades to black.

The next day, a shattered pumpkin and Ichabod's hat are found at the bridge. The rumors fly. Some say Ichabod moved to the next county over and married a widow with several children. But other believe he was whisked away by The Headless Horseman. And, of course, Brom and Katrina were wed and the Horseman is never seen again.

The major differences between these two segments is the characters. "The Wind in the Willows"'s are flawed but likable nonetheless: Toad is a wastrel, but he is so passionate and loyal to his friends; Ratty is stuffy, but his moral compass always points north; Moley is naive, but loves his friends in spite of their flaws. However, when it comes to The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, no one is likable: Ichabod is a gold digger and he ain't messin' with no broke...broke...or women who can't cook or can pay for someone to cook; Brom is a ne'er-do-well, gold digging bully; And Katrina is a heartless, blue-balling coquette. 

Also, am I the only one who notices this? Disney women 1945-1950 look identical. Feast your eyes:

1. Grace from Make Mine Music 2. The Golden Harp from Fun and Fancy Free 
3. Slue Foot Sue from Melody Time 4. Katrina van Tassel 5. Cinderella

While Mr. Toad teaches the valuable lesson of sticking by your friends through thick and thin, Ichabod gives us a far less satisfying moral: if you frighten your romantic rival, love shall be yours and brawn over brains always wins. It seems like a tale as old as time, doesn't it? Nerd and jock compete for the cheerleader. Of course, if this were a 80's teen comedy Ichabod would surely prevail. Buts since Icky is such a jerkoff, he doesn't win. Indeed, Brom is the bigger jerkoff and so he ultimately deserves an air-headed cocktease like Katrina. Of course, all this stems from Washington Irving's original short story. One can only surmise as to why the bigger asshole wins the girl.

I don't like that I've dwelled so much on "Sleepy Hollow" when really the shining part of this movie is "Willows". But I guess it's always easier to bitch about the negative than accentuate the positive. While I think Ichabod's section is just as long as it needs to be, it would have been terrific to see a full-length treatment of Mr. Toad's adventure. After all, one is based on a short story while the other on a novel.

The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad is easily the best package film. In many ways, it's so above and beyond its predecessors, it shouldn't be lumped along with something like Saludos Amigos. But those are the breaks.

Songs

• “No Where in Particular” - Eric Blore (Toad) and Pat O'Malley (Cyril)
• "Ichabod" - Bing Crosby
• "Katrina" - Bing Crosby
• "The Headless Horseman" - Bing Crosby (Brom Bones)

Favorite Song: “No Where in Particular” - Eric Blore and Pat O'Malley
Favorite Moment: Toad "driving" down the road on his ass.
Favorite Character: Moley...he's so damn cute. Probably the cutest Disney character ever!

Next Film: Fantasia 2000 (1999)