DAF #45 - Chicken Little (2005)

"Prepare to hurt, and I don't mean emotionally like I do!"

-Chicken Little

 Title: Chicken Little

Year: 2005

Rated: G

Run Time: 1 hour, 21 minutes

Starring
Zach Braff as Chicken Little
Joan Cusack as Abby Mallard
Steve Zahn as Runt of the Litter
Garry Marshall as Buck Cluck
Amy Sedaris as Foxy Loxy
Don Knotts as Turkey Lurkey 

Plot: After ruining his reputation with the town, a courageous chicken must come to the rescue of his fellow citizens when aliens start an invasion.
Based on: The fable "Henny Penny".
Setting: Oaky Oakes, USA, the present?

Tagline: The end is near.

First Viewing: Sometime in 2007 after buying the DVD simply to round out my Disney canon.

Comments
So we meet again, spoke in my wheel. About two years ago, I started going through the Disney Animated Features canon as a way to alleviate the boredom that came along with my desk job. I was doing fairly well with my randomly chosen order. I actually posted four reviews in four days but then I drew Chicken Little and the sky fell in. (Pun intended).

As the legend goes, in 2004, it was announced that Home on the Range would be the last traditionally cell animated feature released by Disney. Pixar, Dreamworks, and to a lesser extent, Blue Sky Studios, had been dominating the box office with their CGI, family friendly, pop-culture savvy animated features. And Disney decided to temporarily sell its soul.

I was tremendously upset at this decision, having been born and raised in the Disney Renaissance. But, to me at least, there was a light at the end of the tunnel: the source material. I felt Disney had lost their way a bit with their sci-fi action adventures and heavy handed bear drama. I thought they could only benefit from going back to fairy tales and fables, even if the story of "Henny Penny" is ridiculously mundane.

It can be summarized in one sentence: A chicken (a hen, specifically) assumes the sky is falling because an acorn falls on her head so she rounds up her animal friends to go to tell The King and is instead eaten by a fox.

How did Disney fill up 81 minutes with that? Well, by attempting to copy the Dreamworks formula of course. In the beginning, our hero Chicken Little (masculinized for this version) frantically rings the school bell announcing "The sky is falling!" The town of Oaky Oakes becomes hysterical. But when it comes time for Chicken Little to procure the piece of sky that fell from the sky, he can't. He becomes the laughing stock of the town and shames his father, Buck Cluck, the town's biggest former baseball star.

A year later, Chicken Little is a complete outcast. His only friends are ugly duckling Abby Mallard, cowardly pig Runt of the Litter, and Fish Out of Water, a fish out of water who wears a diving helmet at all times (it's a necessity). Chicken and his posse are constantly mocked by everyone but especially the athletic, popular, and smart Foxy Loxey.

Since the incidence with the falling sky, Chicken Little's relationship with his dad has been strained. Abby, who is a frequent reader of Modern Mallard and Cosmoduck magazine (oh, Christ), suggests they talk to each other to get closure. But instead of talking about his feelings (yuck!) he mans up and joins the school's baseball team. Surprisingly, Chicken Little subverts the "Casey at the Bat" trope and scores a home run. His dad is proud and all is well.

Or is it?

No. On the same night, Chicken Little finds another piece of the sky. This time he realizes it's not in fact a piece of the sky but part of an alien spaceship. (Yes, more aliens, folks). Chicken Little announces it to the town. Panic ensues as the town of Oaky Oakes prepares for an invasion.

LOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG story short: It's not an alien invasion. A little baby alien was stranded on earth. He's returned to his parents. Chicken Little and his dad find closure. All is well.

Or is it?

Yes. Yes it is.

I can safely say that Chicken Little is the worst Disney movie on the canon. The biggest problem is that it just doesn't feel Disney. Even the crappiest crap movies on the list still feel Disney. I don’t really know what that means exactly. It’s just a feeling, like being in love, you either feel it or your don’t. And this one is sorely lacking mojo.

So why then is it ranked #45 instead of #50? Well, this is a ranked list of my enjoyment of each film. I hate Lilo & Stitch. And I’m rather eh about The Three Caballeros, Melody Time, Oliver & Company, and Saludos Amigos. With Chicken Little, I’m ashamed to admit, that I lol’d at several of the lame ass jokes and music cues. I liked Abby’s secret love for Chicken Little (shut up). And for the first time in this ascending order series, I found a scene that I actually loved.

At the end, Buck Cluck surmises about the movie that will inevitably be made about their story. Chicken Little hopes it will be accurate. A year later, the town of Oaky Oakes watches the most Michael Bay version of the story. Adam West voices a muscle headed slightly Captain Kirk Chicken Little. Abby is turned into a sexy chick (pun intended) who is more breast than brains. Runt is a brave, gruff voiced pilot with tusks (?). Cliches abound and I love every minute of it.

"Call me... ... ...Ace."

There are a lot of issues with Chicken Little: weak story, aliens, unnecessary celebrity voice actors, aliens, desperate self references, fucking aliens...but one of the biggest is the soundtrack. Not all Disney movies have big Broadway caliber musical numbers like Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin. Some have a smaller number of more subdued ditties, like Sword in the Stone, The Fox and the Hound and Treasure Planet. Atlantis has one random Oscar bait end credits song. And finally The Black Cauldron and The Rescuers Down Under only have scores. But Chicken Little is the first DAF to use previously released popular songs.

I don't know how I feel about this, because the original music by the various artists isn't that great. It's pretty forgettable actually. So is the score. Judge me if you will, but I enjoyed the karaoke moments and how popular music got Runt through some tough spots. (Iron helps us play!)

Maybe Chicken Little doesn't deserve its spot at #45, but there it will stay because this is my damn list. Don't worry, it can only get better from here.

Songs
"Stir it Up" - Joss Stone and Patti Labelle
"One Little Slip" - The Barenaked Ladies
"Shake a Tail Feather" - The Cheetah Girls
"All I Know" - Five For Fighting
"Ain't No Mountain High Enough" - Diana Ross
"It's the End of the World As We Know It" - R.E.M.
"We Are the Champions" - Zach Braff (Chicken Little)
"Wannabe" - Joan Cusack (Abby Mallard) and Steve Zahn (Runt)
"Don't Go Breaking My Heart" - The Chicken Little Cast

Favorite Song: "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" - Diana Ross (if it's on the soundtrack, I'm counting it!)
Favorite Moment: The film version of "Chicken Little"

 Favorite Character: Uhh...Adam West's Chicken Little. I also liked Harry Shearer as the Dog Baseball Announcer (even if he's just doing his Kent Brockman voice).

Next Film: Dinosaur (2000)

DAF #46 - Saludos Amigos (1943)

Title: Saludos Amigos

Year: 1943

Rated: G

Run Time: 42 minutes (seriously) 

Starring
Fred Shields as The Narrator
Clarence Nash as Donald Duck
Jose Oliveira as Jose Carioca
Pinto Colvig as Goofy 

Plot: Donald Duck explores Lake Titicaca and Brazil while Goofy becomes an Argentinean cowboy and a little plane flies through the Andes.
Based on: Original stories.
Setting: Lake Titicaca, Peru; Chile; Argentine pampas; Brazil. Present Day (1943). 

Tagline: Walt Disney goes South American in his gayest musical Technicolor feature! 

First Viewing: Spring of 2006 on DVD via Netflix.

Comments
Andrew (from Diversion 2.0 fame) is going to kill me. He's going through the Disney canon, just as I am, but unlike my semi-crap, overly sentimental reviews, he is doing it an respectable Roger Ebert-esque style with personal insight as well as critical eyes. This week, he dropped his review on the first of the package films, Saludos Amigos. I've been burning through my Bottom Ten and as of this moment I've arrived at the same film.I avoided reading his review until writing my own...but I'll apologize in advance just in case there are any similarities. 

Saludos Amigos, like The Three Caballeros, was made to keep the U.S. in good cahoots with South America while World War II raged on. This was the first of the two, a little bit of a testing-the-waters film. And (thankfully) unlike TTC, Saludos Amigos has some cohesion to it.

The film is split into four segments. The first is "Lake Titicaca", where we see Donald Duck the Ugly American dealing with the altitude, using a boat made of reeds, and interacting with the natives at the marketplace. He also attempts to tame a llama with a flute and crosses a rope bridges with hilarious consequences. 

Second is "Pedro", the story of a baby airplane's first flight over the Andes to deliver the mail. On his trip back he encounters storms and a BIG SCARY ASS MOUNTAIN. Will he make it? Spoiler alert: yes.

In "El Gaucho Goofy", the title character is transplanted to the Argentine pampas where he learns the differences between gauchos and American cowboys. All the shorts are educational in their own way, but this one is the most, I think. I mean, I didn't know a damn thing about gauchos until this movie came along. We learn the differences in costuming, saddles, food preparation and roping technique. Fascinating, yes? (FYI there was more digitally removed cigarette smoking in this one.)

Finally, we get to the last segment "Aquarela do Brasil" where we meet our old friend, Jose Carioca. (Old to you Popped Density readers, new the the movie going populace at the time). Lucky us, this is the last time he will come up in the blog! Anyway, Donald and Jose tour Brazil and dance the samba. This is the most surreal segment (naturally) and you can see the wheels of drug pandering ideas turning. Nothing really happens in this segment.

All the segments are bumpered with live action footage of Walt and the boys drawing, exploring, and experiencing South America for research. Even with all that the movie is a piddly 42 minutes long, barely qualifying it as a feature length film. (According the the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences the minimum is 40 minutes). You assume right that it's the shortest in the canon.

However, this stupid movie was nominated for three, yes three goddamn Academy Awards: Best Musical Score, Best Sound Recording, and Best Original Song ("Saludos Amigos"). It won nothing, of course. But still, this remained the most Oscar nominated DAF (tied with Cinderella and The Little Mermaid) until Beauty and the Beast's 6 nominations in 1991. Chew on that. 

Saludos Amigos is okay. It's more an animated documentary on South America than anything. I like it more than at least two of the package films because it's so short, and it's mildly entertaining. It also has a certain charm. I'd definitely recommend this one before The Three Caballeros.

P.S. Andrew, BLOG WARS! 

Songs
“Saludos Amigos” - Chorus
"Tico Tico No Fuba" - Jose Oliveira (Jose Carioca)
“Aquarela do Brasil” - Aloysio De Oliveira 

Favorite Song: “Aquarela do Brasil” - Aloysio De Oliveira
Favorite Moment: "El Gaucho Goofy"

Favorite Character: Goofy 

Next Film: Chicken Little (2005)

DAF #47 - Oliver & Company (1988)

"Isn't it rather dangerous to use ones entire vocabulary in a single sentence?"

-Francis

Title: Oliver & Company

Year: 1988

Rated: G

Run Time: 1 hour, 13 minutes

Starring

Joey Lawrence as Oliver

Billy Joel as Dodger

Dom Deluise as Fagin

Cheech Marin as Tito

Sheryl Lee Roth as Rita

Richard Mulligan as Einstein

Roscoe Lee Browne as Francis

Bette Midler as Georgette

Natalie Gregory as Jenny Foxworth

Robert Loggia as Sykes

William Glover as Winston

Plot: An orphan kitten is adopted by a thieving dog pack and then by a poor little rich girl.

Based on: Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens.

Setting: New York City, present day (circa 1988).

Tagline: The first Disney movie with attitude.

First Viewing: Some time in 2004, on VHS, borrowed from my friend Karen.

Comments

The 80's was not the best decade for Disney. Quick, can you think of a successful film of their's from then? (Other than Who Framed Roger Rabbit? or The Little Mermaid, you snide know-it-all). Not before 1988, can you? As far as DAF's go, The Fox and the Hound (1981) did pretty good but was over shadowed by Don Bluth's The Secret of NIMH (1982). Likewise with The Great Mouse Detective and An American Tail (both 1986). And let's not forget the huge ass bomb that was The Black Cauldron (1985). 

Rarely are DAF's set in the Present Day, but the producers must have figured that 1930's rural America, Victorian England, and the high fantasy wonder world of Prydain were just a little too square. They needed something fresh with 'tude. They needed Billy Joel, Bette Midler, and Huey Lewis. They needed a movie all about a kitty cat. Enter Oliver & Company.

Ironically, this movie meant to be hip and bitchin' was based on the (at that time) 151 year old English classic Oliver Twist. (Go figure). But in true Disney fashion, the story has been modernized and anthropomorphanized. Oliver (at first unnamed) is a little orange kitten longing to be adopted out of a cardboard box on the side of a New York City street. Alas, poor Oliver is not chosen so he ends up wandering alone in the rain.

The next day, he is tricked by a smooth-talking mutt named Dodger into stealing wieners (haha) from a hot dog vendor. With nowhere else to go, Oliver follows Dodger home where he lives with his pack of canine comrades: Disney dumb Einstein, intellectual Francis, sassy "the girl" Rita, and Mexican stereotype Tito.

The dog's owner, a bum named Fagin, comes home to their hovel and slowly welcomes Oliver amongst the group. He is visited by Sykes the loan shark who says he has ONE LAST CHANCE to pay his debt.

The group hatches a plan to rob a limo. But it backfires and Oliver is adopted by the limo's passenger, a poor little rich girl named Jenny Foxworth. Since she hasn't a friend in the world except her butler, Winston, (tear), Jenny insists on keeping Oliver. In fact, she is the one who finally names him. However, Georgette, the Foxworth's snooty poodle is overly jealous of Oliver's presence. At the same time, Dodger and the gang attempt to rescue Oliver and Georgette assists them.

However, Oliver liked being a spoiled house cat as opposed to an exploited pickpocket. (Go figure). Fagin decides to ransom Oliver to pay his debt. By the way, what does Fagin owe money for? It's never stated. (Or is it? That's how many times I've see this one, folks). Is it drugs? Prostitution? Gambling? Gambling seems the most Disney friendly, but I digress.

Jenny finds Fagin's ransom note and attempts to pay his demands with what's in her piggy bank. Fagin's conscience catches up with him and he freely gives Oliver back. Then Sykes shows up, kidnaps Jenny meaning to ransom her. (Ooh, I can feel the plot thickening!)

Oliver and company attempt to save Jenny. Fagin arrives with his CGI scooter and the chase continues through the New York subway tunnels. Sykes's car is struck by a subway train and then falls into the Hudson River. Everyone else survives...accept Sykes's evil toadie dogs. The movie ends with Jenny's birthday party where all of her animal friends plus Fagin and Winston (but still no parents or friends her age) are in attendance. Jenny adopts Oliver and all live happily ever after. 

I think my  big "problem" with O&C is it's source material. I haven't ever read Oliver Twist but I have seen the 1968's Best Picture winning musical, Oliver!...and I did not like it. It's just not a likable story! Fagin exploits these orphans into picking pockets for his own benefit. In the book, Fagin is punished for his crimes. In a book full of harsh, gritty characters, Disney's only choice was to sanitize them. Thus, Disney Fagin is turned into a bumbling Jar Jar oaf. So, I guess it's Disney's adaptation that I really don't like. Some stories just don't translate into children's animation very well. 

O&C is also painfully 80's. Not fun, campy He-Man 80's. Just embarassingly "We Are the World", Swatch Watch, Howard the Duck, New Coke 80's. I mean, just look at the voice cast. This is some of Disney's most shameless celebrity casting. Dodger is streetwise! Let's get Billy Joel. He has a New York accent! And Georgette, she should be flashy...ah ha! Bette Midler! And Tito the chihuahua, he should be Mexican. Who is the most famous Mexican circa 1987? Cheech Marin! No one does a bad job, per se, but everyone is pretty much playing the worst generalization of their own personality.

And then there's the music. Also very 80's. O&C is certainly not the first DAF who's music is a product of it's era. (The Rescuers so belovedly 70's!) But it all just kind of falls flat. Even if there was a gun to my head I could not hum the melody to "Streets of Gold". "Perfect Isn't Easy" and "Why Should I Worry?" are definitely the best probably due to their voice actors being actual singers. But "Good Company" is so direct-to-video by way of Land Before Time XVIII. 

I know this movie has its fans. I am simply not one of them. I didn't grow up with it. It doesn't have princesses, or pretty music or even very engaging characters. The villain (and his personality) lurch in his own smoke clouds. And the romance? You mean that last minute turn around flirtation between Georgette and Tito? UGH! It's not worth my time. So I do not understand the appeal of Oliver & Company. I can only assume it's because of every movie lover's old friend, Nostalgia.

Song

"Once Upon a Time in New York City" - Huey Lewis
"Why Should I Worry" - Billy Joel (Dodger) and Chorus
"Streets of Gold" - Ruth Pointer (Rita) , Billy Joel, and Chorus
"Perfect Isn't Easy" - Bette Midler (Georgette)
"Good Company" - Myhanh Tran (Jenny)
"Why Should I Worry" (Reprise) - Chorus 

Favorite Song - "Why Should I Worry?" - Billy Joel 
Favorite Moment - "Why Should I Worry?" 

Favorite Character - Winston (He tries so hard!) 

Next Movie - Saludos Amigos (1943)

DAF #49 - The Three Caballeros (1945)

"Hey, Donald, you are what they say "off the cob". You know, corny."

-Panchito 

Title: The Three Caballeros

Year: 1945

Rated: G

Run Time: 1 hour, 11 minutes

Starring
Clarence Nash as Donald Duck
Jose Oliveira as Jose Carioca
Joaquin Garay as Panchito
Sterling Holloway as Narrator (Cold-Blooded Penguin)
Fred Shields as Narrator (Burrito)
Frank Graham as Narrator
Aurora Miranda as Herself
Carmen Molina as Herself
Dora Luz as Herself

Plot: Donald Duck celebrates his birthday with Jose Carioca and Panchito, by opening a collection of gifts that take them on a wild south-of-the-border adventure.
Based on: Original stories
Setting: Argentina; Baia, Brazil; Mexico. Present Day (1945).

Tagline: Utterly fascinating! Entirely different!

First Viewing: Summer of 2006 during the my first epic DAF ranking on VHS.

Comments
Over at Diversion 2.0, my friend Andrew continues to churn out thoughtful, critical reviews of randomly chosen Disney Animated Features at a fairly prompt rate. Here at Popped Density, I'm slowly sort of doing my own little twist of this by going over my ranked list of DAF's and starting at the very bottom. I previously reviewed the suckiest bunch of suck, Lilo & Stitch and now I am moving on up to #49, The Three Caballeros.

I think it's safe to say that a lot of Gen Y-er's out there have seen TTC. The movie was released on home video in 1982, 1987, 1994, and then in 2000 on DVD.  In fact, out of all the package films, this one has had the most home video releases. And I DON'T KNOW WHY!

Here's a little history for you: after the United States entered WWII, the Disney animation unit was left in a pickle. Animators and the like were drafted, money was tight, and the floors of the studio were strewn with half finished story lines and ideas. Whoever was left was recruited by the U.S. government to make propaganda films. The Three Caballeros (and 1943's Saludos Amigos) came from this camp. These two flicks were produced to keep "good will" with South America during war time.

The film opens with classic Disney character, Donald Duck receiving a movie projector for his birthday from his "friends from South America". We watches a quick documentary on aves raras (strange birds). Then it cuts to the brightest spot in the movie, "The Cold-Blooded Penguin".

Pablo lives on the coast of Argentina, but unlike his penguin buddies, he is too cold. He decides to move to a warmer climate but all of his plans to leave fail because he can't get too far from his pot bellied stove. Finally, Pablo cuts the ice around his igloo to form a boat and heads north. Hi-jinks ensue and Pablo arrives in the Galapagos Islands, happily heated and tan.

Donald continues watching his film reel and we see another segment, "The Flying Gauchito". A little boy from Uruguay finds a flying donkey, names him Burrito, and competes in a donkey race. Uh huh.

Next, the second of the of the caballeros shows up. One Jose Carioca, a Brazilian cigar smoking parrot that Donald met previously in Saludos Amigos. He gives Donald a pop up book that takes them to Baia. The two meet a woman selling "cookies" who dances the samba with a couple of dudes. This scene shows animated characters interacting with live action actors and Donald falls madly in lust with the hooker, I mean cookie seller.

 Donald and Jose return to...uh...wherever Donald lives and the birthday boy opens his newest gift which reveals Panchito Pistoles, a Mexican rooster. Panchito is wild, enthusiastic and quite fond of his guns. The three avian friends christen themselves the Three Caballeros through the best song of the movie. BTW, a caballero is either a...

1. Horseman
2. Spanish gentleman
3. Woman's admirer or escort

Panchito introduces the story of "Las Posadas" which is basically the first Christmas. Then the trio flies off on Panchito's magic serape and shows off his native Mexico. Donald becomes enamored with some bikini clad senoritas and chases them around, leering in a lecherous fashion.

From here, the movie becomes a psychedelic mind fuck. Donald falls in love with a woman who's face is super imposed in a flower. Then he dances with another with a riding crop. Then some phallic cacti form a suggestively shaped tunnel. Jose and Panchito pop in here and there to cause trouble for Donald's duck hornyness. Finally, some fire works explode and the movie is over!

So out of six pretty much forgettable package films, why is this the most popular one? Why 34 years after it came out did it get a rerelease in 1977? Why four home video releases?

One word: drugs.

Many DAF's have been rereleased in theaters. Before DVD, VHS, Laserdisc and Betamax, this was one of the ways Disney made money. A parent who saw Bambi at age 8 in 1942 could take his son to see it in 1966. (It's actually pretty brilliant idea, so good for them). But TTC isn't exactly the coming of age family favorite that Bambi is.

For one, there is no story. Like all the package films, it's a bunch of segments stitched together. But unlike, say, Make Mine Music and Melody Time, there aren't any bumpers that basically shout WE KNOW THESE SHORTS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH EACH OTHER BUT TRY TO ENJOY YOURSELF ANYWAY. Donald gets some birthday gifts...two of which we too get to watch. But after Panchito comes along it all falls the to wayside in the wake of the blasts of color and erotically dancing cacti.

Secondly, the characters are not terribly likable or family friendly. Jose Carioca constantly has a lit cigar (not that I give a shit about smoking, but, you know, parents do). Panchito wields his pistols in a dangerously careless manner. And the less said about Donald's sexual debauchery, the better. (Ducks + humans = WTF?)

1977, prime drug time. To illustrate my point, Fantasia was rereleased in 1969 and Alice in Wonderland in 1974. Here are the posters for those two movies:

Yeah. So I'm right.

With TTC's 4 fucking video releases, I imagine zealous video collector parents added this one to the kiddie shelf and therefore it was viewed equally along with other Disney classics while the rest of the package films fell to obscurity. Nostalgia and drugs. That must be it.

I doubt that The Three Caballeros is at the top of anyone's DAF list. (Please comment if it's your number one). Let me be clear: I don't hate this movie. I just don't like it. It comes down to personal taste. My lack of childhood exposure is definitely part of it. Although I can't help but feel I might enjoy it a bit more if I were baked off my ass.

Songs
“Baia” - Ray Gilbert
“Have You Been to Baia?” - Jose Oliveira
“Os Quindins de Yaya” - Aurora Miranda
“The Three Caballeros” - Clarence Nash, Jose Oliveira, and Joaquin Garay
"Mexico" - Carlos Ramirez
“You Belong to My Heart” - Dora Luz

Favorite Song: “The Three Caballeros” - Clarence Nash, Jose Oliveiro and Joaquin Garay
Favorite Moment: "The Cold-Blooded Penguin"

Favorite Character: Pablo

Next Film: Melody Time (1948)

Chicago (2002)

Bailiff: "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"

Velma: "And then some."

Title: Chicago
Genre: Musical
Year: 2002
Rated: PG-13

Starring
Renee Zellweger as Roxie Hart

Catherine Zeta-Jones as Velma Kelly 
Richard Gere as Billy Flynn
Queen Latifah as Mama Morton
John C. Reilly as Amos Hart

Taye Diggs as The Bandleader

Christine Baranski as Mary Sunshine

Plot: Two murderesses compete for the limelight to avoid the gallows in 1920's Chicago.
Based on: “Chicago” the Broadway musical, which was based on the 1943 film Roxie Hart which was based on the murders
Setting: Chicago, Illinois; 1920’s.

Tagline: If you can't be famous, be infamous.

First Viewing: Borrowed from my grandma on VHS in January of 2003.
Added to the list: Summer of 2003.

Comments

I have this problem with movie musicals. Generally, I hate them the first time I watch them and then, for some reason, I end up watching them again and I grow to really enjoy them. In some cases, the musical even gets added to My List. (Okay, in two cases.) But Chicago is one of the lucky two. I bet you can't wait to find out why either.

It's the jazz age Chicago, Illinois when folks made bath tub gin and Al Capone did the Charleston on a flag pole. Crime is running rampant. Women are lifting their skirts, flattening their breasts and bobbing their hair. It's a crazy, trashy time when young (?) Roxie Hart watches as the Velma Kelly performs at the Onyx nightclub and is shortly arrested for killing her adulterous husband and sister (and half of her act) Veronica.

Meanwhile, Roxie is carrying on an affair with Fred Casely, a furniture salesman with apparent connections down at the Onyx. A month passes and starstruck Roxie still hasn't been given her own act. Fred has grown tired of Roxie and tells her she has no talent. So Roxie pulls her husband's pistol from her bureau and blows him away.

When her husband Amos returns from work, she convinces him to cover for her. But when it's discovered that Fred is indeed not a burglar, Roxie is taken down to the clink and introduced to prison matron Mama Morton and the six merry murderesses. Roxie tries to befriend Velma and ask her for career advice but is rebuffed.

Mama takes pity on Roxie and hooks her up with Illinois's best criminal lawyer, Billy Flynn who is currently representing Velma. Amos, eager to get his wife out of prison, agrees to gather $5,000 to pay for her defense. Roxie's image as America's Sweetheart is created along with her defense that she and Fred Casely "both reached for the gun." Velma is pushed out of the spotlight and tries and fails to get on Roxie's good side.

However, a triple homicide threatens to steal Roxie's thunder, so she fakes a pregnancy which speeds up her trial. Velma is brought in as a witness for the prosecution. She brings Roxie's diary with her which has a confession to Fred's murder. Billy accuses the D.A. of tampering with evidence and berating him for making a bargain with Velma. (Billy is actually the culprit).

Eventually, Roxie is found innocent. But stardom does not follow. Instead, the press moves on to a new murder. Amos realizes the pregnancy was faked and leaves Roxie. She makes the rounds trying to get into showbiz. Velma finds her and suggests they join forces despite their mutual hatred. The two become a huge success and live happily ever after...

Chicago is one of those movies on The List that doesn't strike an emotional chord with me. I don't identify with the characters. Not even on that "I-desperately-want-to-be-famous!" level. (That passed in kindergarten). In fact none of the characters in this story are even remotely sympathetic, maybe with the exception of Amos. But he's such a fool, you can only feel a twinge of pity for him.

So why, oh why, do I like this movie? Well, it's a musical, so the music is a HUGE reason. Possibly the most important reason. All of the songs are likable, catchy, and fun to sing. And according to Wikipedia, each of the songs are based on a certain style of vaudeville. Here are so examples (stolen from Wikipedia!):

"When You're Good to Mama" - a Sophie Tucker/Mae West/Pearl Bailey double entendre song.

"Roxie" - an autobiographical, observational stand up comedy routine ala Fanny Brice.

 "Mr. Cellophane" - a clown number reminiscent of Bert Williams.

Along with the music, I also love the production design of this movie. It's what I like to call trashy chic. All of the opulence and grand romantic design of the Victorian and Edwardian eras is slowly deteriorating because those jazz age kids have too many other things on their minds than to take care of their parents' antiques. This is definitely reflected in the opening scene at the Onyx Club. What was probably once a grandiose theatre has turned into sleazy speakeasy. 

What must not be forgotten is before Chicago was a Kander & Ebb musical,  it was the real life murder trials of Beulah Annan and Belva Gaertner.

Only a smidgen of similarity remains in the original Velma and Roxie.  Belva Gaertner (the inspiration for Velma) was an alcoholic cabaret singer who shot her married lover when she discovered he was leaving her. Gaertner was later acquitted of the crime. Beulah Annan moved from Kentucky to Chicago with her auto mechanic husband. She soon began having an affair. After an argument, Annan shot him in the back and then convinced her husband to take the fall. Her story changed several times. By the time of the trial, Annan claimed she had told her paramour she was pregnant, they struggled and both reached for the gun. Annan was also acquitted.

This real life happening has been the inspiration for several fictional adaptations. Maurine Dallas Watkins, a journalist in 1920's Chicago who had reported on the Gaertner and Annan trials eventually wrote the story as a stage play in 1926. One year later, the play was adapted to the silver screen and produced by Cecil B. DeMille. 1942 had another, sanitized version entitled Roxie Hart, where Ginger Rogers in the title role confesses to the murder to gain popularity, even though it was her husband who did the deed.

In the late 60's Bob Fosse's wife read the original play and wondered if it could be adapted. Maurine Dallas Watkins had since become a born again Christian and believed her play glamorized violence and that hedonistic lifestyle. But when she died in 1969, her estate sold the rights. Finally, in 1975, John Kander and Fred Ebb wrote the music to Chicago while Bob Fosse directed and choreographed.

That's just some regurgitated history on Chicago that you could get off of Wikipedia, but I just wanted to pad this blog entry a bit. Anyway...I love Chicago. End of post.

Taylor Swift Discography: Speak Now (2010)

Even though my internet was down for the past couple days, you better believe dear readers that I bought Speak Now as soon as I could, meaning 10:30 the morning of the 25th as soon as I got off work. Admittedly, I sneaked some previews thanks to the pirates at Youtube, but before writing this blog, I listened to the entire album without interruptions or digital manipulation.

1. Mine
A memory song of Taylor looking back on her first serious relationship. How is it serious? Well, “we’ve got bills to pay, we’ve got nothing figured out”. And despite being jaded from past loves and her dysfunctional parents, Taylor goes ahead with it all. Naturally, a big fight erupts and Taylor “braced myself for the goodbye, cause that’s all I’ve ever known” but lovey comes to the rescue and reminds her of their first romantic moment.

2. Sparks Fly
A couple of months ago, if I were to do this little Taylor Swift discography series, I would have included “Sparks Fly” on the random singles entry. For years it existed only in the Youtube realm, but now it’s full fledge album track. I can’t help but wonder, why this song? It’s basically like “Fearless”, an I’m So Happy To Be in Love song. Nothing special, but nothing bad.

3. Back to December
Remember how Taylor is always the victim? Well, this song subverts that. Taylor is reunited with the guy who’s heart she broke, apologizes and admits to regretting her decision. Reportedly, this song is about Taylor Lautner (the werewolf from Twilight). Now that Taylor is a public figure and having her heartbroken by other public figures and not just boys from her school, one can’t help but wonder if any of them will ever learn their lesson and stay the hell away from her.

4. Speak Now
If ever there was a subject for Taylor Swift to cover in song form, stopping a wedding is absolutely perfect. At first she imagines what it would be like to ruin the nuptials of her beloved and his Bridezilla and then she actually goes through with it. Of course, in Taylorland, the groom leaves his bride at the altar and all is right with the world.

5. Dear John
Ah, John Mayer. How I disliked you back in 2003, and how I dislike you now that you’ve broken Taylor Swift’s heart! (Okay, not really. But I never did like him much). Apparently, he is a big womanizer and Taylor fell for it anyway. Back to the victim. “Don’t you think 19’s too young to be played with?” she asks. Well no, 19 is an adult and you should know better. This song is also waaaaay long. Like six minutes long. And “Hey Jude” it ain’t.

6. Mean
Well, it’s catchy, I’ll say that. But calling someone “mean” just seems so juvenile! And a liar. And pathetic. And alone in life and mean. Ugh. However, Taylor does admit that people think she can’t sing. (Damn, I was wondering).

7. The Story of Us
An upbeat break up song reminiscent of “Forever & Always”. I like it a lot more. A whole lot more. Reportedly, this song is also about Joe Jonas when Taylor saw him at the CMT awards they ignored each other. (I’ll just pretend it’s not about him).

8. Never Grow Up
A song that starts from a mother’s perspective looking down at her baby. In the next verse, the baby is a teenager on her way to the movies and Taylor becomes the narrator. Finally, Taylor is a grown up on her own and in her own apartment. You know how I am with family songs and this one is like “The Best Day”. Is it better? I don’t know.

9. Enchanted
In true Romeo & Juliet fashion (or maybe “Love Story”?) Taylor’s eyes lock with a guy’s from across the room. They meet for a moment, but then part forever. She prays that he doesn’t have someone else waiting for him. I enjoyed this one because it echoes back to those unrequited songs from her early days. The ending is ambiguous, so it could go either way.

10. Better Than Revenge
Oh boy, is this song catchy! Is it country? Fuck. No. My friend Andrew, who likes pop punk and NOT country, liked this song for christssakes. One of Taylor’s guys is stolen by this girl who’s “not a saint, and she’s not what you think, she’s an actress/she’s better known for the things she does on the mattress.” And there we have the first ever sexual reference in a Taylor Swift song. Of course, it just perpetuates the myth that “good girls don’t” and sexual skill is equal to maneating. (Tsk, tsk).

11. Innocent
So, Kanye West interrupted Taylor’s best female video award acceptance speech at the MTV awards. Everyone knows that. I feels trite repeating it here. Anyway, this is the song she wrote about the incident. These are some pretty murky lyrics. Is she saying Kanye did it because he was immature? I just thought he was drunk. Pass. P.S. For some reason I doubt Kanye ever caught fireflies.

12. Haunted
A break up song, but one of those overly desperate cry/scream/sing songs for late night drives. Taylor begs the guy not to leave her even though she knows he’s gone “something keeps me holding on to nothing.” One of my favorite tracks. A lot like Evanesence.

13. Last Kiss
This album should be called Breaking Up is Hard to Do. This is meandering break up song that goes on and on and on without a memorable chorus.

14. Long Live
A love letter to her band. It’s personal and I’m sure nice for them. But it won’t be a hit.

Naturally, I bought the Target Exclusive Deluxe Edition of Speak Now, which includes three bonus tracks and three remixes.

15. Ours
We’re in love so fuck everyone who disapproves…ahem, basically. This one is like the tracks from Taylor Swift, simple lyrics and simple accompaniment.

16. If This Was a Movie
Being a fan of Miley Cyrus’s “If We Were a Movie”, I was hoping for another poppy, friend zone song with cinematic references. But, alas, not on the break up album. Taylor wants her man to come back like he would if this was a movie. Not a bad a song by any means. My hopes were just too high.

17. Superman
Taylor thinks her man is Superman and vows to wait for him when he’s done saving the world. This is a pretty good super hero’s girlfriend song. She gets it. Good for her.

18. Back to December (Acoustic Version)
Not that different. The other version is better. More powerful.

19. Haunted (Acoustic Version)
What’s with stripping songs? Go with the album track. If you were going to make an acoustic version of this song, the tempo should be lowered like the “Forever & Always” piano version.

20. Mine (POP mix)
It’s already poppy as hell! Unnecessary!

Well, dear friends, that is Speak Now in all its 20 track glory. Overall, I'll need to re-listen over and over before I can make any real opinions. Like I said earlier, Speak Now is very heavy in break up songs. Taylor Swift was much more innocent with it's "I don't know who I am" type songs while Fearless seemed to have more confidence and a nice balance between happy go lucky songs and sobering break ups. We are treading into a cynical world.

Favorite Tracks: "Haunted"; "Story of Us"; "Back to December"; "Speak Now"; "Better Than Revenge"; "Enchanted"; "If This Was a Movie"; "Superman"

Okay Tracks: "Mine"; "Sparks Fly"; "Mean"; "Ours"; "Long Live"

Not So Favorite Tracks: "Innocent"; "Last Kiss"; "Dear John"; "Never Grow Up"; All remixes

Common elements found in Taylor Swift's songs (For fun!)

• Truck/Riding Shotgun/The Passenger Seat/Driving in general - 12
• 2:00 a.m. (or ridiculously late) - 3 
• Blue Jeans - 5
• Fake Smile - 5
• That Girl/Her/The Other Woman in general - 6
• Eyes - 7
• A marriage proposal - 3

Discography: Taylor Swift (Unreleased Material/Singles/Randomness)

If you go on to Youtube, you can find scads of unreleased Taylor Swift material. Why are these songs currently not legally available for our listening pleasure? Beats the hell out of me. I've tried my best to collect all the songs that are studio quality for this blog entry. I may have missed a few so forgive me. I also tried to avoid live performances from concerts. (You can find a few of those).

First is Taylor's demo CD which has 3 tracks. However, another source tells me there are 10 tracks. Here are all 10 to be safe, but just know tracks 4-10 may also be random unreleased songs.

1. Lucky You

Taylor's reported first ever written song is about a girl named Lucky who's "dances in spite of the fact that she's different and yet she's the same". The chorus is primarily made up of "do do do do do do..." so she had yet to fully thrive as a lyricist. The melody, especially the verses is promising though.

2. Smokey Black Nights
A love song that takes place on the beach. It's okay. It has a few good musical motifs, but the lyrics are weak and murky.

3. American Boy (acoustic version)
A song about, you guessed it, an American boy and his search for love. The recording of this is kind of shitty and the lyrics are still not all they could be.

4. Here You Come Again

A cover of Dolly Parton's classic 1977 hit. It sounds like pretty standard karaoke to me, so I don't think it was really part of the Demo. Taylor sounds about 12 or so and it's waaaaaaaaaay pitchy. Beware.

5. Hopelessly Devoted to You

This is a cover of the Olivia Newton-John song from Grease. Also sounds like karaoke recorded at age 12. However, she sings the song more convincingly than Olivia Newton-John.

6. Am I Ready For Love?
Lyrically, this song is stronger.  This is the first instance of the diary-esque internal type lyrics where Taylor wonders if the pain of love is worth it or if she's even ready. Although, personally, I was a smart ass and always thought I was ready for love. It's a pretty rhetorical question.

7. Can I Go With You?
Taylor doesn't want to see her father go to war and wants to go with him. This song is topical for the early 2000's. This song only works from a girl Taylor's age. Not bad.

8. One Way Ticket
Another cover song, this time it's LeAnn Rimes. It seems pretty ballsy to cover LeAnn Rimes. Too ballsy.

9. There's Your Trouble
This time Taylor covers the Dixie Chicks. Karaoke.

10. The Star Spangled Banner
Exactly what it says. And as bad as you think.

Youtube Limbo
Next are a few studio quality unreleased songs found on Youtube listed in alphabetical order.

American Girl
A cover of Tom Petty and the Heartbreaker's American classic. It's popped out and way reminiscent of Britney Spears' covers of "The Beat Goes On" or "I Can't Get No Satisfaction". Unnecessary but not terrible.

I'd Lie
This is, hands down, one of the best Taylor Swift songs. It's a friend zone song. (Fourth by my count). Instead of being in love with a guy obsessed with another girl (girlfriend or not), this guy is a bit of commitment-phobe. But Taylor keeps her love a secret at all costs, even if she knows every random fact about him. This would be a guaranteed hit if it was ever released. Oh I love this song and if you ask me why, I'll lie.

Permanent Marker
Taylor hates her boyfriend's ex and crosses out her face in all the pictures he still has of her. This is the first instance of Taylor hating the "other woman". It's delightfully immature.

What to Wear
Taylor wonders what to wear before a first date. Very breezy and girly. This would be great as a bonus track.

You Don't Have To
This isn't even a whole song. It's a 40 second clip but it's a damn good clip. Where's the rest of the song?

Your Anything
This one is a little unsettling. Taylor talks about how badly she wants to be with this one guy that "I'd give everything to be your anything". I know it's a plucky play on words but this song is so desperate. It sends the wrong message, but it's honest.

Your Face
After a break up, Taylor doesn't want to forget the memory of her ex. This song is really heartfelt. Pitchy, but heartfelt. One of Taylor's first slow, sad songs.

Random Singles
From soundtracks and the like...

Umbrella
I didn't include Taylor's Live from SoHo live album on my EP blog because it's just live versions of songs from Taylor Swift. The album did include a country-fied slow cover of Rihanna's "Umbrella". It's shorter, a 1:30 and not too bad.

Crazier

This slow song was featured in 2009's Hannah Montana: The Movie. I haven't seen it, but as far as I know, Taylor is singing in a dance hall while Miley/Hannah Montana is dancing with some dude. It's a simple but beautiful love song. The guy makes her crazier. Go figure.

Thug Story (feat. T-Pain)

In the opening sequence of the 2009 Country Music Awards, which Taylor co-host with Bill Engvall, she shares her various "dreams" of being in the new Star Trek movie and singing a song with auto-tune poster boy T-Pain. Then Taylor gets all Weird Al on us and parodies "Love Story by rapping about how "hardcore" she is even though she "ain't gotta gun, no I never really been in a club, still live with my parents but I'm still a thug!"

Today Was a Fairytale
Taylor's second single to be written for a movie. This time it's 2010's Valentine's Day in which she starred. Eh. Maybe if I saw the movie, I'd like the song more.

Breathless
A song on the Hope for Haiti Now compilation.It was written by some dude named Kevin Griffin I have never heard of. She was a star at the time, so I'm not surprised she was a part of the telethon. But there had to be a better song for her to cover.







Collaborations
When Taylor sings with other artists...

Two is Better Than One - Boys Like Girls
I don't know who Boys Like Girls are or why they would want Taylor Swift on their song. I didn't really that this was that song I heard on the radio nor that it was Taylor doing the female lead. Wow, I am an ignorant fan. Not a bad song, though.

Half of My Heart - John Mayer
Never really did like John Mayer. Taylor sings the chorus with him. WHY?

Photograph, Pour Some Sugar on Me, Hysteria, When Love and Hate Collide - Def Leppard
This was a collaboration brought on by the CMT show, Crossroads where two unrelated artists join forces and sing each other's songs. It's fun to hear Taylor sing these old classics...and even funnier when they sing Taylor's.






Songs Written by Taylor
...but performed by others...

Best Days of Your Life - Kellie Pickler
This is one of those taunting your ex songs that are popular as of late. It's kind of like "Should've Said No" and "Picture to Burn" only better. Kellie taunts her boyfriend that his best days have past and now he's stuck with the floozy he cheated with. "I've got my pride and she's got you!" I'm kind of bummed that Taylor didn't keep this one for herself, even if she did sing useless back up vocals.

You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home - Miley Cyrus
No matter how famous you get...insert title here. Pretty mediocre song. No wonder she passed it along.









Well, there you go. That's a more than detailed description of all Taylor's songs. I hope this little journey through her discography has prepared you for the release of Speak Now which comes out next Tuesday, October25. As soon as I can, I will write a blog on her newest album and hopefully the bonus tracks. Stay tuned!

Common elements found in Taylor Swift's songs (For fun!)

Truck/Riding Shotgun/The Passenger Seat/Driving in general - 12

Blue Jeans - 4

Fake Smile - 4

That Girl/Her/The Other Woman in general -5

Eyes - 7

A marriage proposal - 2