30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 20

Day 20 - A Worthy Sequel/Remake/Reboot


I have no problem with remakes or reboots. Sometimes a great story needs to be dusted off, trimmed up, fleshed out and spit 'n' shined. In fact, there are so many movies that could only benefit from being made in the 21st century. But today, I will be talking about a sort-of-sequel that will never be appreciated.

Return to Oz (1985) 


Ah, one of those live action Disney movies that nobody knows about. How many there are of you. How many that will disintegrate in the Disney Vault... Return to Oz is a sequel to (wait for it!) 1939's The Wizard of Oz, starring Judy Garland. It may seem like a strictly monetary move, making a sequel 46 years after the first film was released. It might seem naive to make a sequel to a bona-fucking-fide classic, too. But according to director Walter Murch, the film was never intended to be associated with the MGM musical. And to further his argument, L. Frank Baum wrote 13 sequels to Wizard, including The Marvelous Land of Oz and Ozma of Oz, the basis of today's movie.


It begins in Kansas, six months after the cyclone swept young Dorothy Gale (Fairuza Balk) to the magical Land of Oz. Dorothy's Aunt Em (Piper Laurie) is concerned with her niece's subsequent insomnia and takes her to the office of Dr. Worley (Nicol Williamson). Before he can perform electroshock therapy on her, Dorothy escapes with the aid of a mysterious blonde girl (Emma Ridley). She wakes up in Oz, finding it in ruins. Dorothy soon learns from the evil Princess Mombi (Jean Marsh) that the Nome King (also by Nicol Williamson) raped the Emerald city of all its jewels and turned everyone to stone. Along with her new friends, talking chicken Billina (Denise Bryer), clockwork mechanical soldier Tik-Tok (Sean Barrett), wobbly and loving Jack Pumpkinhead (Brian Henson), and furniture Frankenstein The Gump (Lyle Conway), Dorothy sets out to rescue the Scarecrow and return Oz to its former brilliancy. 


Return to Oz was not well received. Many criticized its dark and intense nature stating it was unsuitable for a young audience. So tell me, dear readers, when you were children would you be frightened by any of the following?

You pussies.


Well, I first watched Return to Oz when I was about four and I was just happy my favorite movie (at the time) was continuing. I didn't care about the lack of songs or munchkins or AWOL Lion, Tinman or Scarecrow. I understood that Oz was fucked up. The Nome King was evil and put a crazy woman in charge. Of course it was going to scary. If it was mildly unpleasant, Dorothy wouldn't have reason to rescue anybody. There would be no point in her returning to Oz in the first place. If you want to see your favorite characters live again, they need a reason and a conflict.


Before and after 1939's masterpiece, there have been sequels and remakes and re-imagingings of The Wizard of Oz. Since seventh grade I've been hoping for a proper remake of it, one that doesn't completely change everything but still pleases the populace. It's one thing when a crappy movie I like go unnoticed, but when one that is truly good gets shat on, it hurts a little.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 19

Day 19 - A Movie Made Before 1967


Confession time: I don't love old movies. Oh, they're fine and all. I'm a casual watcher. In fact, due to my Oscar goals, I've probably seen more old movies than your average, non-film student 23 year old. But I just don't love old movies; I like them as friends. On my Official Canonized List there are but two films made before 1967: Gone With the Wind, which you know and one other you probably don't.

Peyton Place (1957)


Maybe you've heard of Peyton Place as a book? It's a trashy little novel written by house wife Grace Metalious that went on to become one of the greatest selling novels of the 1950's. Oh, you haven't? Pity.


The titular place is a small New England town, seemingly normal and wholesome on the outside, but twisted and vicious underneath. Among the many inhabitants are Allison MacKenzie (Diane Varsi) a high school senior longing to be a writer, her mother Constance (Lana Turner), the sexually repressed dress shop owner who harbors a dark secret and Allison's best friend, Selena Cross (Hope Lange) a good girl from the wrong side of the tracks who has her own dark secret. Over the course of a year, Allison has a romance with awkward and sheltered Norman Page (Russ Tamblyn), Constance is seduced by the sexy new principal Michael Rossi (Lee Philips), and Selena is accused of murder.

Let's just put it on the table. I grew up in a small town so automatically I'm going to like this movie/book on principal. Also, Allison is an aspiring author who doesn't want to go to college and writes of experiences she has not yet known. She's also overly curious about sex. Let's just say I related when I first watched Peyton Place in high school. I will defend my hometown, however. I don't think anyone here is that fucked up...other than our science/math teacher and a pious sixteen year old student eating lunch together everyday behind a locked classroom door...ahem.


So Peyton Place...it's a good movie. I was shocked by how blunt it was, with it being a product of 1950's Hollywood and all. The word "sex" is even said several times. I didn't think that was kosher with the Hays' Code. Of course, lots of things are changed, notoriously The Abortion Scene. In the novel, the town doctor gives a character an abortion. But in the movie, she trips and falls and he must "assist her in a miscarriage".


One wonders what this movie would be like if it were made today, or at the very least, ten years later. Interestingly, director Mark Robson would go on to direct the similarly salacious Valley of the Dolls in 1967. (Still crushing on that movie!) While both are scandalous and torrid in places, Peyton Place was nominated for nine Academy Awards including Best fucking Picture. Part of the film's charm is its repression. You can tell it wants to go balls out, but like the town itself, must follow the proper codes of conduct and be a good little 50's movie.

Videography: Taylor Swift (Part II - Fearless)

Part II in Taylor Swift's Videography, here we have the videos of the pop/country juggernaut Fearless. Witness the evolution that lead to Kanye West throwing a bitch fit at the VMA's.

Order: 8

Title: "Change"

Album: Fearless (2008)

Song Premise: A girl refuses to give up on her dreams because she is certain things will change for the better. P.S. Taylor believes in you!

Video Premise: Taylor sings in front of a band.

Comments: Sigh...by now you know how I feel about videos that just don't try. Why not show some examples of underdogs fightin' the good fight and coming through in the end? Just a suggestion.

Order: 9

Title: "Love Story"

Album: Fearless (2008)

Song Premise: A teenage boy and girl meet and fall in love even though daddy originally objects to the pairing.

Video Premise: On a contemporary college campus, Taylor sees a guy who catches her eye. Then we switch to the mis-matched eras ball where "Juliet" and "Romeo" (for they are not the real ones given the ending) meet, fall in love, and starting sneaking out to meet one another. Eventually "Romeo" and "Juliet" meet in a meadow, apparently having overcome their great obstacle. Then we switch back to present where Taylor and "Romeo" 2.0 hook up.

Comments: Over all, I like this one. It's a fluffy video for a fluffy song. You can't really ask for much more. Although the costumes...pick a fucking era. She was "Rococo" and he was "Regency"...grrr.

Order: 10

Title: "White Horse"

Album: Fearless (2008)

Song Premise: After the ending of her relationship, a girl realizes she wasn’t living a fairy tale romance and will find someone far better than the guy she held in such high regard.

Video Premise: It starts with a guy asking Taylor if she loves him and if he can have another chance. We then drift into happy moments of the couple together, playing cards and cuddling. Then Taylor talks to her friend in a cafe about how great this dude is. But THERE'S SOMETHING SHE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT HIM! So Taylor goes to his house and sees there's another woman whom he's married to or at least living with. We go back to the beginning where the guy asks the questions. "Yeah" and "No" are her answers.

Comments: All right, now we're in business! A story! Not the story I imagined with this song, but still a story that works and works well! Love the mini-movieness. Wish there were more like this one.

Order: 11

Title: "Crazier"

Album: Hannah Montana: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (2009)

Song Premise: Basic love song. Boy drives girl crazy in the good way.

Video Premise: Taylor plays on stage while clips from Hannah Montana: The Movie are shown.

Comments: It's promotional. Probably everything it should be.

Order: 12

Title: "The Best Day"

Album: Fearless (2008)

Song Premise: Taylor writes an ode to her mother and the support she was given throughout her life.

Video Premise: Pertinent home videos edited together.

Comments: Yeah it fits. Do I like it? No. It's about as fun as watching someone's home videos.

Order: 13

Title: "You Belong With Me"

Album: Fearless (2008)

Song Premise: A girl in love with the boy next door pleads for him to understand that he belongs with her and not his stereotypical bitch girlfriend.

Video Premise: Taylor live next door to a boy who's fighting with his girlfriend. They communicate through the window by writing on notepads. Taylor wants to confess her love but instead dances around in front of her mirror. The boy spies on her and laughs. The next day, Taylor and boy are talking when his evil brunette cheerleader girlfriend comes and takes him away. Later at the football game, boy scores a touch down but evil brunette girlfriend is flirting with another guy! Finally, at the dance, Taylor arrives sans glasses and scraggly hair in white dress. Boy dumps evil brunette girlfriend, shows Taylor his own "I love you" note and the two kiss.

Comments: Do you know how much I hate myself for loving this video? A lot. A whole hell of a lot. Thank God this video didn't come out when I was in high school or else I'd be all the more fucked up. In fact, I worry about the effect this video had on adolescents. It's like raw cookie dough: oh so bad for you but too good to never eat again. Yeah, the ending with "I love you" notes is damn retarded, but if you look past it, you have one of the best mini-movie music videos ever. Fuck you, Kanye. This totally deserved to win.

Order: 14

Title: "Fifteen"

Album: Fearless (2008)

Song Premise: Nineteen year old Taylor offers advice on life as a fifteen year old.

Video Premise: Taylor walks through an animated world of trees and high school. She meets her real life best friend, Abigail, who rejects a handsy boy in his car but then "gives everything to him" and she and Taylor cry about it.

Comments: Well, meh. Props to using the real Abigail although I'm not sure what she thinks about Taylor singing about her regretted virginity loss. And one thing that's always bothered me: most people are fourteen when they start their freshman year.

Order: 15

Title: "Fearless"

Album: Fearless (2008)

Song Premise: Taylor is happy to be in love

Video Premise: Footage from the Fearless Tour.

Comments: Is it just me or do these footage videos of fans seem a little narcissistic? 

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 18

Day 18 - An Adaptation of Book, TV Series, ect.


I like movies more than books. This is sort of ironic since I want to be a writer of books. Luckily, I like writing them more than I like reading them. And I especially like book-to-film adaptations. Yes, things are cut out and changed around, but more often than not, I like the changes. Sometimes a few changes give the story a second chance at life.

Valley of the Dolls (1967)


All changes aside, both Jacqueline Susann's 1966 novel and today's film tell the same basic story: Anne Welles (Barbara Parkins) moves from sleepy New England to New York City to have a career and a life. She soon becomes the secretary for a theatrical lawyer and meets agent Lyon Burke (Paul Burke). Anne is friends with Neely O'Hara (Patty Duke), a spunky and talented actress on the rise and Jennifer North (Sharon Tate), a victimized sex symbol who is only considered "a body" despite her intelligence and good nature. At one point, all three women become dependent on barbiturates (nicknamed "dolls") to deal with their lives in the spotlight.


Oh, the fame. How I love movies and songs and music videos about people rising to the top and then crashing and burning in drug addled, sex infused flames (Fuck it, I can't wait for Lucky: The Britney Spears Story*). And this movie is exactly that. In fact, I'm a little disappointed in myself that I hadn't seen it until this very morning. It's campy and melodramatic and I love every salacious, trashy bit in the saga of Anne, Neely, and Jennifer.

But if I had one complaint it would be the musical representation of Neely. Time and time again we are told what a balls out fucking talented singer and actress she is. Now, Patty Duke does a spectacular job in all of Neely's "off stage" scenes, but the singing is...well, it's not like Jennifer Hudson's Effie White in Dreamgirls, another character who is supposed to possess The Voice of the Ages. Now if it were Duke singing, I would just shrug given her acting performance. The kicker is, her voice was dubbed by Gail Heideman, an actress with two other credits to her name. Her voice isn't bad, but she doesn't have the range of Mariah Carey, the power of Pat Benatar or even the uniqueness of Karen Carpenter. Why not get someone better? Then again, the 60's had a preferred singing style that was based in straight forward and simple delivery, so I should just shut the hell up.


I have never read Valley of the Dolls, but I am now inspired to pick it up. According to the book's Wikipedia page, changes are a-plenty in this film treatment. A happier ending is given to one character and much is cut out for time. That's fine. I see the reason for it. Currently, I'm riding the high of falling in love with a new movie. I taped it and fully plan on watching it again tomorrow!

*You know it will kick ass.

Videography: Taylor Swift (Part I - Taylor Swift)

Welcome to another edition of Videography! This time we're exploring the music videos of country princess Taylor Swift. Like Reba, Taylor is known for her music videos along with her musical abilities. Let's take a look at how she started...

Order: 1

Title: "Tim McGraw"

Album: Taylor Swift (2006)

Song Premise: A girl reminisces about a summer love who has left for college and wants him to think of her when he hears her favorite Tim McGraw song.

Video Premise: A boy (later named Johnny) is driving his Chevy when he stops to have a listen to a song. He remembers his summer with Taylor as they stargazed in the back of his pick up and kissed in a field. He drives back to his house to see a letter waiting for him.

Comments: I always wanted this. When I was in high school, boy oh boy, was back-roading and stargazing the epitome of romance. So when this video came out in the summer that was, ahem, supposed to be like that for me, I was a tad bit bitter. In fact, I couldn't bring myself to watch the "Tim McGraw" video until...a few minutes ago. My take? It's a good song to video transfer.

Order: 2

Title: "Teardrops On My Guitar"

Album: Taylor Swift (2006)

Song Premise: A girl secretly loves her friend Drew who talks to her about another girl.

Video Premise: Drew asks Taylor if she's going to "the game" later. She thinks it's a date but he really just wants to talk about this new girl he's met. Drew and Taylor get in trouble for laughing too loud in the library. Then she has an accident in chemistry when he distracts her. Finally, she sees him kissing another girl in the hallway.

Comments: Now this was more like my high school experience. What can I say? I love this video. It fits the song. It takes relatively inane experiences like talking in the library and chemistry class and making them special. Also props for having Drew hook up with that girl (who I'm sure is perfectly lovely). The song possesses an ambiguous ending as does the video. Way to go, Taylor.

Order: 3

Title: "Our Song"

Album: Taylor Swift (2006)

Song Premise: When a girl claims she and her boyfriend have no song, he says it’s the various sounds of summer.

Video Premise: Taylor talks on the phone, paints her nails, wears a pretty dress and sings.

Comments: All right, I know the song is similar in theme to the summertime shenanigans of "Tim McGraw" and that she had just done two literal translation story videos. But come on! This is just boring.

Order: 4

Title: "I'm Only Me When I'm With You"

Album: Taylor Swift (2006)

Song Premise: A girl only feels at ease with one of her guy friends who may be more than that.

Video Premise: Footage from Taylor's life and her tour.

Comments: Sure. Okay. Next please.

Order: 5

Title: "Picture to Burn"

Album: Taylor Swift (2006)

Song Premise: A girl is through with her cheating boyfriend and

Video Premise: Taylor and a friend spy on her ex-boyfriend as he parks with his new girlfriend. She fantasizes about a group of secret service type men destroying her ex's house.

Comments: No complaints. Fits the video. Not my favorite though.

Order: 6

Title: "Should've Said No"

Album: Taylor Swift (2006)

Song Premise: A girl reprimands her boyfriend for cheating on her.

Video Premise: Taylor plays the song on an acoustic guitar while sitting on a stool in jeans and a sweatshirt. The song gets fast, her clothes are torn away revealing a black dress. Taylor finishes the song under a rain machine.

Comments: Granted, this isn't technically a video. It was live performance at the CMA's or AMC's or something and then made into a video. Oh boy, Taylor live is off key and hard to watch. Yeesh. How did this video make it into rotation?

Order: 7

Title: "Beautiful Eyes"

Album: Beautiful Eyes (2008)

Song Premise: A girl loves a guy with beautiful eyes.

Video Premise: More footage ala "I'm Only Me When I'm With You", but this is from her 18th birthday party. Taylor gets her make up and hair done, she drives a pink truck and hugs other country stars.

Comments: It's from an EP. I don't expect much, so I won't judge this one too harshly. Easy to make and easy promotion.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 17

Day 17 - A Musical


By now readers of Popped Density know my relationship with movie musicals is complicated. As a concept, I am totally for it. Nuts to those people who don't break out into song in their day to day lives. But when I sit down to actually watch a musical, I just find myself not enjoying the experience. No matter how many times I tell myself this one will be different, it never is. If I do grow to like the musical, it's with repeated viewings usually spawned by my fondness for a particular song. That's what happened with Chicago and Moulin Rouge!, the only musicals on Jordyn's Official Canonized List of Favorite Movies. Right now, I feel I'm on the verge of adding another musical to my list.

Across the Universe (2007)


I've been a fan of The Beatles my whole life. My father was the one who forced their music upon me. Luckily, I was young, impressionable, and not into rebelling against my parents' musical tastes. They were probably my favorite band until my discovery of The Carpenters, but even I know The Beatles are the best rock 'n' roll band that ever was and ever will be.*


So in 2007, when trailers for the jukebox musical Across the Universe were released, I was hopeful. I mean, I was already going to love all the music, which is pretty much the point of a musical...of course I would love it!


Nope. I was decidedly underwhelmed. I bought the soundtrack anyway but put the movie out of my mind. Then I started working in a video store where all movies were free for me to rent. So I got it on a whim and liked it significantly more this time around.


Across the Universe centers around Jude (Jim Sturgess), a Liverpudlian bastard born shortly after World War II. He journeys across the pond to find his American father, who turns out to have his own life and family and pretty much gives him the brush. Jude then meets Max (Joe Anderson) who befriends him and takes him home to meet the fam, including his sweet girl-next-door sister, Lucy (Evan Rachel Wood). Both are attracted to one another in spite of Lucy's boyfriend stationed in Vietnam. Jude and Max move to New York City and shack up with aspiring singer Sadie (Dana Fuchs) and her guitarist Jojo (Martin Luther McCoy). After the death of her boyfriend, Lucy moves in with the group and falls for Jude as Max is drafted and as Sadie and Jojo become famous musicians.

Psychedelia is not my thing and there is an ABUNDANCE in Across the Universe. I've even heard it's a good movie to watch while you're high, so there you go. Personally, I find the plots of musicals to be a bit thin. (Have you watched Grease recently?) But stuff happens in this one. Stuff actually happens. The characters change and evolve. The film seems to take place over a significant period of time which makes these changes believable. So it makes sense when Lucy starts as your all-American high school girl, then becomes a hippie, and then a radical protestor. 


Now, I've only seen Across the Universe twice and as a rule, I have to watch a movie three times before I can put it on my list. And I definitely need a few more viewings before I consider such things. So for now all I'm saying is maybe. But I'm really glad I found another musical that I like enough to say maybe.

* It's true.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 16

Day 16 - A Documentary/Biopic


Today you get a two-for-one. Mostly this is because I'm anal and feel the need to show the difference between a documentary and a biopic, and how they are indeed, Andrew, very different beasts. My smug twatness aside, at the very least, it will show you the same story in two separate formats. Ladies and gentleman, I give you the story of the 70's all-girl rock band The Runaways.

Edgeplay: A Film About The Runaways (2005)


First up, the documentary. In a very straight forward manner, the former band members--Cherie Curie, Sandy West, Lita Ford, Jackie Fox and Vicki Tischler-Blue--are interviewed, each giving their own personal history of their quick rise to stardom and brief stint as international superstars.


So basically, it's like a two hour episode of Behind the Music...only not as good. You might have noticed Joan Jett, founding member of The Runaways and later a superstar in her own write, was not a part of the project. Thus, all of the songs she wrote for the band were not allowed to be in the movie. This includes their signature song "Cherry Bomb". Yeah. Bummer.


There's something really unsettling about this documentary. Along with the petty squabbling between teenage bandmates, the band's producer Kim Fowley manipulated and verbally abused the girls, often pitting them against one another for his own amusement. And the bandmates each have their own version about which of the girls he slept with.

The Runaways were never that popular, at least not in the United States. The band--with several line ups--only lasted five years. Joan Jett, and to a lesser extent, Lita Ford went on to become famous musicians. Cherie Curie had brief career as a solo artist and actress. But as for Jackie Fox and Vicki Tischler-Blue (the band's second bassist and the director of Edgeplay) both went on to lead fairly normal lives in relative obscurity. Perhaps, saddest of all is drummer Sandy West who tearfully states "I don't think The Runaways should have ever broken up...It blows me away that we can't get back together and do a world tour" all while sporting the same hairdo she wore in 1976. 


It's not the best musical documentary ever. It lacks a certain finesse, and more importantly, the band's most famous songs. Plus, it left me with bad taste in my mouth. The ending was complete downer. True, their story was quite corrupt and fucked up and it needs to be told. But as you will soon find out, there's a better way to do it.

The Runaways (2010) 


Based on lead singer Cherie Curie's 1989 autobiography Neon Angel, a full-fledged biopic went into production twenty years later.


In 1975, rhythm guitarist Joan Jett (Kristen Stewart) wants to form an all-girl rock band. In a stroke of luck, she meets the eccentric--to say the least--legendary record producer Kim Fowley (Michael Shannon) who likes the idea of a band composed of jailbait. Quickly added are drummer Sandy West (Stella Maeve), lead guitarist Lita Ford (Scout Taylor-Compton) and bassist Robin Robbins (a composite of Jackie Fox and Vicki Tischler-Blue played by Alia Shawkat). 


Still in need of a sexy lead singer, Joan and Kim go searching for a Brigitte Bardot look-a-like and find fifteen year old Cherie (Dakota Fanning) who is eager to escape her less than stellar home life and become a star! Sex, drugs and intra-band conflict ride The Runaways' backs on their meteoric rise to the top and crush them in their equally spectacular fall.


Also...lesbianism. 

Being based on Cherie Curie's book and with Joan Jett as one of the film's producers, I have no doubt that the two girls were probably once lovers or friends with benefits or whatever they called experimental homosexual fuck buddies in the 70's. So yes, it's true. Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning kiss. And no, it's not a big deal. At least it actually happened and wasn't put in for mere titillation...well, maybe some titillation.


My one complaint about this film is the unexplored stories of the other bandmates. Sandy is played as sort of light-hearted stoner. Lita is a bitch and nothing but. And poor Robin, I don't even think she had one damn line of dialogue. Jackie Fox, the original bassist, refused to have her "life rights" signed away, which is unfortunate, because according to Edgeplay, there was plenty more going on than Joan and Cherie's tonsil hockey. 


So, all in all, neither film is the perfect story of The Runaways. The documentary is thorough, dark, and unfortunately morose. The biopic is flashy and glosses over many of the more sordid stories involving Kim Fowley, but still manages to satisfy. Both are essential viewing for fans of The Runaways or rock 'n' roll in general.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 15

Day 15 - An Indie Film


I'll be honest, I haven't seen many independent films. And how could I? I've lived in small towns without arthouse movie theaters. I see movies that theater owners think the populations of Helena, MT and Spokane, WA will like which means...well, not independent. God bless the internet, though, because it introduced me to this little gem.

Film Geek (2005)


I can't remember how exactly I stumbled upon it, only that I was intrigued by the title. Hey, I was a film geek! I worked in a video store! It's a movie for people like me! 


In 78 minutes, it tells the story of Scotty Pelk (Melik Malkasian), a socially awkward video store clerk with an encyclopedic knowledge of film. For irritating the customers and his fellow employees, Scotty is fired from his job. In between watching movies, eating cereal and routinely masturbating into the sink, Scotty looks for another video store job but in vain. However, he eventually meets Niko (Tyler Gannon) an attractive artist who is nice enough to go on a date with him and discuss David Cronenberg even if she thinks he's a huge dork. 


Like most indie films, not a lot happens. It's the character study of a young man with one skill--studying film--and what happens when he is no long able to utilize that skill. The interesting thing about Scotty is his lack of drive. Most people interested in film want to eventually break into the industry. Scotty is happy to just be a fan and post reviews on his website www.scottysfilmpage.com.

Film Geek was shot entirely on location in Portland, OR for an estimated $10,000 which, if you don't know, is frickin' dirt cheap. Oh boy, and it looks it! I think it was filmed on a handheld DVR camera or something. It's not the funniest movie ever or even the funniest indie movie ever. And no, it's not "2005's Napoleon Dynamite" either. But if you love movies, have worked in a video store, or write a film blog, you'll probably find something to laugh about.

30 Day Movie Challenge - Day 14

Day 14 - A Sci-Fi/Fantasy Movie


Desperate times call for desperate measures. I recently moved back with my parents and my vast movie collection is still stuck in storage. Thus, I am left with what few VHS's my parents own. Among them is the first eight Star Trek movies, all belonging to my father, who I can never recall being a big enough Trekkie to merit owning eight of the eleven Star Trek movies. But there they are sitting on a shelf under my TV. And since I have only seen the 2009 reboot, I decided to trek into the final frontier. (See what I did there?)

Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)


I started watching it this morning. It was about 7 a.m. and I hadn't yet been to bed. What else could lull me to sleep better than a G rated sci-fi adventure from 1979? Nothing, I tell you. Nothing. 


I am a huge fan of movies from the late 70's and early 80's merely for their production design and costuming. And even better is when that production design is supposed to be "futuristic". For some reason, all fabric is solid, unbroken by fun patterns or bright colors. And everything is plastic with rounded corners. Oh and those dodgy computer graphics! Don't ask me why, but I love the understated quaintness.


Oh yeah...Star Trek. So what's it about? Some number of years after the time span of the original TV series, an unidentifiable alien thingy destroys some Klingon ships. Admiral James Tiberius Kirk (William Shatner) returns to the newly made-over U.S.S. Enterprise to take command and intercept this thingy before it hits Earth. Also aboard are old favorites Mr. Spock (Leonard Nimoy), Bones (DeForrest Kelley), Uhura (Nichelle Nichols), Sulu (George Takei), Scotty (James Doohan), and Chekov (Walter Koenig). And some new characters: Commander Willard Decker (Stephen Collins) is the young and nubile former captain of the Enterprise, demoted at Kirk's request and bald and celibate Lieutenant Ilia (Persis Khambatta) serves as the eye candy, and later, a plot device.

Holy shit, is this movie slow. I mean, S-L-O-W!!! It takes forever to get going. No one seems to be in a big rush even though this mysterious thing is going to destroy earth. Everyone has time for conversations...slow conversations. Worst of all was this nearly pornographic tracking shot of our first look at the Enterprise. The camera slow panned around its every crevice and curve, saying "Look at me, big boy. Take me to warp speed."


But the question is, was I bored? Well, no, not through all of it. Having never seen Star Trek:TMP before, I was intrigued to see where it went and how it compared to 2009's reboot. Costumes and sets aside, I was simply too tickled to be bored. The dialogue and acting were a hoot. The odd high school reunion-ness was also amusing. These are actors that went through a cultural phenomenon together and now, here they are ten years later doing it again. One can only wonder how many of them were happy about it.